We're live-blogging the 2011 Academy Awards with Cinematical's William Goss, David Ehrlich and Eric D. Snider. Keep refreshing this page for the latest piece of snark-filled wisdom from our team of professional awards show live-bloggers, and check out the links below for a list of nominees, as well as winners and red carpet photos updated in real time. Enjoy the show!
2011 Oscar Winners (updated in real time)
Check Out Your Favorite Stars on the Oscars Red Carpet
Complete Oscars 2011 Coverage
11:41 PM: Fine. We grant you that the kids were cute, and we didn't have to endure anyone asking them who they were wearing. And seeing Melissa "F-bomb" Leo sing along with the end of the song melted our cold, black hearts slightly.
11:39 PM: Oh, man, really? It's not over? Surprise musical number, BAM, out of nowhere! Kids from a public school in Staten Island are singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow," soon joined by all of tonight's winners.
11:38 PM: The producer say some lovely things, the usual business, all very nice. Standing behind him, Helena Bonham Carter looks like she has better places to be, which very well may be true.
11:35 PM: In a shocking upset, Best Picture goes to the movie everyone has been saying was going to win ever since Labor Day, 'The King's Speech'!
11:31 PM: Steven Spielberg introduces the Best Picture montage, which has the guy from 'The King's Speech' reciting a monologue from 'The King's Speech' while images 'The King's Speech' play (accompanied by a few shots of some of the other nine nominees)
11:27 PM: Best Actor is Colin Firth -- in general, but also specifically tonight, for 'The King's Speech.' He uses the term "upper abdominals" and makes it sound elegant.
11:25 PM: The show is supposed to end in five minutes, and they only have one award left. They're going to have a REALLY hard time going over this year. Quick, slap together a montage! A modern-dance tribute to movies where guys walk slowly away from explosions! Something! Anything!
11:22 PM: Sandy calls Jeff Bridges "Dude," makes the obligatory Facebook "friend" reference to Jesse Eisenberg, mentions the Queen to Colin Firth ... Yep, the writers hit all the major talking points!
11:20 PM: Anne Hathaway -- who seems to be taking this a lot more seriously than a certain co-host whose name rhymes with Shmames Shmanco -- is dressed in a rubber blue dress, for some reason, and that means it's time to bring out Sandra Bullock. (Those are the Academy rules, you guys. Not up to me.)11:17 PM: As expected, Natalie Portman wins for Best Actress. The baby inside of her right now will one day be able to say, "I was there when my mom won an Oscar!"
11:15 PM: It would be OK with me if Jeff Bridges just came out and talked to all the nominees in all the categories before announcing them.
11:14 PM: Is there is anyone on this earth who does not love Jeff Bridges? If there is, I hope I do not meet that person.
11:13 PM: Except Jeff Bridges. Jeff Bridges is stoned enough.
11:12 PM: I mentioned this before, but I'll repeat it. It's not that James Franco is too stoned. It's that everybody else isn't stoned enough.
11:06 PM: Annette Bening introduces the footage of Very Special Honorary Awards to Hollywood Legends Whom We Adore But on Whom We Don't Want to Waste Too Much Time During the Actual Telecast, So They'll Just Come Out on the Stage and Stand There for a Minute. The winners of this year's VSHATHLWWABOWWDWTWTMTDTATSTJCOOTSASTFAM's were Eli Wallach, Francis Ford Coppola, and Jean-Luc Godard.
11:04 PM: Best Director goes to Tom Hooper for 'The King's Speech'! He is suuuuper British. And he loves his mum, which is nice. Cold comfort to David Fincher, though, who also loves his mother.
11:01 PM: Hilary Swank comes out to introduce Kathryn Bigelow to come out and introduce the award for best director, because Kathryn Bigelow couldn't do it by herself because she's a lady, or something.
10:54 PM: Did the crowd not applaud anyone during the death montage, or did they cut out the sound? Either way, it's a shame, because I know a lot of Oscar pools have "Which dead person gets the most applause?" as one of the categories. Take a mulligan, everyone.
10:52 PM: Yeah, if you want to bring down a room, giving a microphone to Celine Dion is definitely the way to go.
10:47 PM: The Oscar for Best Original Song goes to Randy Newman for "We Belong Together" from 'Toy Story 3.' He's been nominated 20 times, and this is only his second win. He should have gotten it for "Fat Man with His Kids and Dog."
10:44 PM: Celtic Kathy Griffin sings the song from '127 Hours,' followed by the lady from 'Glee' singing a song from the hilariously bad 'Country Strong.' (I beg your pardon -- the Oscar-nominated 'Country Strong.')
10:41 PM: We've been making jokes for over a year about how 'Winter's Bone' sounds dirty, but now James Franco has made it official by saying it AT the Oscars.
10:33 PM: And the Oscar for Best Special Effects goes to 'Inception.' And they're going right into the next category, with Best Film Editing going to... Angus Wall & Kirk Baxter for 'The Social Network.' They thank David Fincher, who will later have them try this speech 98 more times.
10:31 PM: That Bob Hope Passover joke never gets old. Well, it certainly never gets as old as Kirk Douglas. Crazy technology from the future allows him to say the names Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law.
10:27 PM: Billy Crystal comes out, saying "So where was I?" His hair never left. He's raving about Bob Hope, and here comes a tribute.
10:18 PM: And now we're auto-tuning & re-mixing some of the Best Picture nominees and it's painful, but it turns out just to be an insidious way of making Oprah seem like a refreshing change of pace. She's here to present Best Documentary, which as far as she's concerned is code for "Best Depressing Movie." And the Oscar goes to... 'Inside Job!' C-Span 7's ratings instantly jump 935%. Filmmaker Charles Ferguson keeps it real, while also disappointingly revealing himself not to be an adult version of Ferguson from 'Clarissa Explains it All.'
10:17 PM: James Franco gives a shout-out to NYU, one of the several universities that's classes he's sent an assistant to sleep through.
10:12 PM: Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal are out to present the short film awards. And the Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject goes to Strangers No More! From the clip, it seems as if the film is about young people trying to learn math. All the doc shorts look like they're about suffering, and all the live-action nominees look like they're about sex. Best Live Action Short Film goes to God of Love!
10:08 PM: Colin Firth is about an hour away from winning Best Actor, which means that we're about 7 years and 1 hour away from his Stella Artois commercial.
10:04 PM: Mandy Moore comes out to perform her song from 'Tangled' with Zachary Levi. It's like that scene from 'A Walk to Remember,' but we don't all have to pretend that Mandy Moore is ugly.
10:01 PM: 'Alice in Wonderland' now has two more Oscars than you do. And Kevin Spacey is rapping. Randy Newman is performing the first of the nominated original song, short people everywhere begin to resent the telecast.
9:59 PM: Galadriel stays out there to award Best Costume Design. And the Oscar goes to Colleen Atwood for 'Alice in Wonderland.' It's like complimenting the Hindenburg for having nice ridges.
9:57 PM: Marissa Tomei comes out to talk about science and winches. And then Cate Blanchett to award the Oscar for Best Makeup. Whomever made a human look like Paul Giamatti deserves to win. And the Oscar goes to... The Wolfman! Most of us saw this coming, as it was the only one of the nominees to feature makeup that you can't find at CVS.
9:50 PM: And the Oscar for Best Sound Editing goes to 'Inception!' That movie definitely had sound, and it definitely had editing, so this seems valid.
9:45 PM: Matthew McConaughey is up there with the girl from 'Lost in Translation' to present Best Sound Mixing. And the Oscar goes to Inception and the people who mixed its sound! Is that Andy Serkis? I think it's Andy Serkis. Chris Nolan is referred to as "The Architect," and the Internet explodes with theories.
9:42 PM: And Best Score goes to... Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for 'The Social Network!' The most successful four notes in modern music! Reznor - who was great in 'Lost' - thanks David Fincher, who was asleep.
9:39 PM: Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman are out there to present... Star Wars? E.T? The orchestra is playing lots of music about aliens - a revelation about Nicole Kidman's origins is imminent.
And now we hand over the reins to David. Take it away!
9:31 PM: Reese Witherspoon is here to give out Best Supporting Actor, and the winner is Christian Bale in 'The Fighter.' (We all know, though, that he's really winning for 'Reign of Fire.')
9:27 PM: 'Arthur' and 'The Tempest' co-stars Russell Brand and Helen Mirren announce Best Foreign Language Film, which goes to... 'In a Better World.' Sorry, 'Dogtooth.'
9:24 PM: And here's Franco in a dress. Of course.
9:23 PM: Hathaway is now doing a duet, alone, knocking an anonymous Aussie for not joining her on stage. (Cut to Hugh Jackman.)
9:17 PM: And Best Original Screenplay goes, unsurprisingly, to David Seidler for 'The King's Speech.' Remember: you have until Thursday to see the R-rated cut that just won that prize in theaters!
9:15 PM: Sorkin thanks Armie Hammer twice -- a nice touch. The man did not let the play-off music get him down, either.
9:13 PM: 'No Country for Old Men' reunion between Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem (check those initials! and those white tuxes!) present Best Adapted Screenplay. And the award goes to... Aaron Sorkin for 'The Social Network.'
9:09 PM: Me? I'm still rooting for 'Tyler Perry's I Can Do Internet All by Myself.'
9:03 PM: 'Friends with Benefits' co-stars Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis present Best Animated Short and Best Animated Feature to, respectively, 'The Lost Thing' and 'Toy Story 3.'
8:57 PM: The Best Supporting Actress award goes to... (God, Kirk is adorable, just milking this) ...Melissa Leo for 'The Fighter.' #snooze
8:52 PM: Acting legend Kirk Douglas is being utterly adorable on stage right now. About Anne Hathaway: "Where were you when I was making pictures?"
8:48 PM: And Best Cinematography goes to... Wally Pfister for 'Inception.' Sorry, Roger Deakins.
8:44 PM: Hanks just announced Best Art Direction for 'Alice in Wonderland.'
8:42 PM: Tom Hanks is here to announce the night's first category -- no, wait, just admiring past winners. Yikes, will this ceremony run something like five hours? Save this sentiment for a 100th anniversary, AMPAS, not 83rd.
8:39 PM: Anne, referring to her lack of a nod when compared to Franco: "It used to be, you got naked, you'd get nominated!"
8:37 PM: Just jumped from the ten Best Picture contenders to friggin' 'Back to the Future.' Well played.
8:32 PM: Nice to see last year's co-host, Alec Baldwin, pass the torch to Anne Hathaway and James Franco in the usual nominee parodies.
8:25 PM: One pre-show observation -- man, is Natalie Portman packing on the pounds or what?
Complete Oscars 2011 Coverage