It might've been a fever dream, but then, fever dreams tend to make more sense. I'd heard the legend of Birdemic: Shock and Terror -- a film allegedly so bad that it has rapidly become a contender for the worst film ever made -- but not until I sat down for a viewing did I realize how profoundly I would be transformed.
Directed by the self-proclaimed "Master of the Romantic Thriller(TM)", James Nguyen, the film tells the tale of two lovers (Alan Bagh and Whitney Moore) whose small, Northern California town becomes a front line in the ecological war when a flock of environmentally-conscious (not to mention surprisingly volatile) eagles and vultures decide to vent their fury with explosive, kamikaze attacks and acid-laced spit (or possibly poop -- it's hard to tell). Clearly a labor of love for its creator, who cites Hitchcock's The Birds as inspiration (and who also owns a sandwich shop), it actually is so much more: a catalog of wooden acting and awkward pauses, a crash-course in ham-fisted editing and actionless action sequences; and most especially, a special effects feast that boasts countless sequences of computer-generated, screen-saver avians menacing (if by "menacing" one means flapping their poorly modeled wings while hovering staticly on the screen) their helpless victims.
I briefly shared my spiritual transformation on a recent episode of the Cinefantastique Spotlight, and was promptly contacted by beabetterbooktalker.com's Andrea Lipinski and author Kevin Lauderdale, who had also had their consciousnesses raised by this singular, cinematic landmark. So, in the true spirit of the April Fool, we got together one evening to witness, and as a result came up with Mighty Movie's Temple of Bad, a critical examination of the transcendentally awful that may become a regular feature, if the heavens allow.
Click on the player button to hear the show or the title to download.
Now, you want some Cinema A'la Crap you probably haven't heard of, try these out:
'Viva Knievel,' with Evel Knievel as himself vs. a drug-smuggling Leslie Neilson. The opening scene has Evel breaking into an orphanage to hand out Evel Knievel toys.
'Blood Freak,' so far the world's only Christian anti-drug gore film where the hero turns into a were-turkey before drinking the blood of dope fiends.
'Matilda,' not the one with Danny DeVito, but the one with Elliot Gould managing a boxing kangaroo. Hard to find but worth it.