Katie Hawkes2013-05-18T16:39:39-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.news.moviefone.com/author/index.php?author=katie-hawkesCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Katie HawkesGood old fashioned elbow grease.Grad School: Worth the Price Tag?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.15341412012-05-22T11:05:06-04:002012-07-22T05:12:24-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/Lost while they were busy putting on their grown-up shoes and heading off to internships and job offers, so I really can't complain.
In my defense, I found a job fairly fast after graduation. Many of my peers were not so lucky. And how did many of them cope with this delay-of-salary or lack of satisfaction with the jobs they did find? Graduate school.
To be fair, many of them already planned on grad school in the first place. They had plans. They had lifelong dreams of law degrees, med school and liberal arts degrees on the east coast. But I'd be incorrect if I said grad school was an initial part of the life plans of 100% of my habitually matriculating friends -- and yet, there they were with more class schedules and stacks of textbooks.
And, naturally, those class schedules and textbooks came with hefty bills. Which meant student loans. Which meant extending the college lifestyle, penny pinching and all. And a couple years after finishing their undergrads, many of my Ramen-munching peers are once again donning polyester robes and getting ready to either hit the workforce or, in some cases, enroll once again.
But are they better off for it?
I almost did the whole grad school thing. Two years after graduation and still floundering about in career world, I started to seriously consider the grad school option. Why? Primarily, because I was still without direction. I still didn't know what I wanted to do. In my case, by the time I finished taking the GRE and requesting information from intriguing campuses across the nation, a new career opportunity had fallen into my lap that turned out to be an excellent fit. And thus I tabled the grad school idea and immersed myself fully in the newfound I-finally-love-my-job feeling.
Do I regret not going to grad school?
No. Well, yes and no. Like I said, I love my job. And I didn't need grad school to get me here. But this is just one industry and I am just one person -- for some of my peers, grad school opens some essential doors for their lifestyles of choice. And, truthfully, I sometimes miss going to class and drinking in all that research and academia and intellectual discussion. But I also don't envy my friends' piles of student loans, nor do I miss eating SpaghettiOs or macaroni noodles. And there was that whole phase where I ate a turkey burger patty with ketchup on two pieces of soggy wheat bread for like a month. (Seriously, why did I do that?)
But truthfully, there's something to be said for those soggy-turkey-burger experiences. Because what you eat or don't eat isn't the point of grad school. Nor is it about the couple extra years of delaying a steady income. (Nor is it about learning to use the word "nor" properly, though I guess that depends on what degree you pursue.)
It seems like lately there are piles of studies and articles emerging about whether or not grad school is worth it. The focus of most of these articles, I've noticed, is money. Turns out, people with master's degrees and Ph.D.'s are using food stamps in greater numbers than ever before. And "debt" is a four-letter word to many people living in a nation that's constantly brimming with economic crises.
But grad school isn't necessarily about any of that. At its core, grad school is about education.
And education doesn't have to be about whatever salary is waiting at the end of the tunnel. Maybe an education can be worth the sacrifice for the sake of its own self -- an education.
Maybe if we stopped viewing the value of education for the value of its price tag, we'd get a clearer picture of the pros and cons of grad school. Not everything can be properly evaluated with a financial measuring stick, even if that often seems to be the go-to method for judging something's value.
Perhaps we should start judging the value of an education by its benefits aside from a pile of paychecks. And if you do go to grad school and find yourself worse off financially for the experience, it doesn't mean you wasted your time. If it's worth it to you, then you'll buckle down, you'll get whatever job is necessary and you'll dig yourself out of those loan payments and impending bankruptcy. And I can bet you'll learn something, even in that difficult part of the process.
So will I go to grad school someday?
I honestly don't know right now. I have many years left to figure that out. But if I do enroll again, I hope I don't do it solely with hopes of a higher income or greater career advancement. Of course, those are clear benefits and worthy goals. But then again, so is learning. And so is knowledge. Lest we forget.]]>Maintain the 'Peace': Get Ron Artest Off the Courttag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.14685432012-05-01T16:59:11-04:002012-07-01T05:12:24-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
OK but seriously. If any of you missed the cheap elbow-to-the-head maneuver the player-formerly-known-as-Ron-Artest pulled this week, let's just say... he's out of control and doesn't belong in the NBA. Somehow I keep coming back to that conclusion.
Sure, we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, Artest seems to make a lot of them. Other than the infamous elbow incident, his biggest recent folly is the decision to change his name from Ron Artest to Metta World Peace. Wait... what? Yeah, no one else gets it either. Though, I can't argue with the delicious irony of a player with notoriously violent tendencies selecting a new name that evokes visions of harmony, kindness and love. I'm sorry, is it opposite day? In that case, I'll be going by "Always Keeps Her Car Clean" and "Frequently Remembers To Return Library Books Without Getting Sent To A Collections Agency For Overdue Fines" from here on out. Such fun!
I'm all about second chances. And third chances, because hey, I'm not perfect either. But for Mr. World Peace, the elbow mistake was the icing on a very large cake baked from a long, sordid history of NBA citations, fines and suspensions. There are bad, one-time mistakes and then there are bad, long-term habits. Let's review a few tales:
May 2011: 3-game suspension for hitting Jose Barea across the face.
July 2007: 7-game suspension for domestic violence charges.
April 2006: 1-game suspension for elbowing Manu Ginobili in the head.
November 2004: 86-game suspension for brawling with fans in the stands.
I'll pause here to note that the 86-game punishment is one of the longest suspensions in NBA history. IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE NBA, I SAID. If I continued with the list, it would include three incidents in 2004 and three more in 2003 -- one of which involved a television being thrown and a camera being smashed to pieces following a loss to the Knicks.
Dear David Stern, What is this man still doing in a jersey? For one thing, there are dozens of eager collegiate athletes and less-played pro-players who are more than willing to take his place. And I could probably name a few characters from Space Jam that could earn their keep better. And with a $7 million price tag, the Lakers can more than afford to bring on a replacement.
The fact is, Artest simply doesn't deserve to be there. Athletes pour lifetimes of blood, sweat and tears (usually their own blood, sweat and tears, in cases other than Ron Artest) to earn the jerseys they wear and a spot in a starting lineup. There should be a level of class and dignity expected with the privilege of being paid to play. And the only level of anything that our friend Mr. World Peace is bringing to the court is a new level of embarrassment for Lakers fans and team members alike.
Frankly, it's time for him to go. Artest's pink slip from the NBA is more overdue than my rogue stack of library books, is all I'm saying. Get the man the help he needs for his anger problems, but let him do it without a $7 million paycheck for a jersey he doesn't deserve. Give him a criminal defense attorney as a parting pension gift. Then buy new players. Renovate a stadium. Feed a small country or two. But don't waste the cash on someone who's contributing nothing but cheap celebrity fodder to the sport. The public already has Jersey Shore for that kind of crap.]]>Entrepreneurial Lessons From a 9-Year-Old Boytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.14566672012-04-27T11:22:26-04:002012-06-27T05:12:02-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
What, that's not how your life story went?
Well, OK, me neither. I at least got the imaginary part down -- I used to follow my brother and his friends around, begging them to let me "play Mario" with them in the backyard. When my mom inevitably made them comply with my requests, they appointed me Princess Peach and let me sit in the castle (aka the garage) and wait for them to come rescue me. I'm pretty sure about a couple long-term results of that experience: 1) I'm just as gullible now as I was then, and 2) my woeful story never went viral.
Things turned out a little differently for nine-year-old Caine from East L.A. If you haven't heard of him yet, click here to watch the inspiring video and remedy your naivety. (Grab a couple tissues first -- trust me.)
Done watching? Welcome back.
So what sets Caine's imaginative playtime apart from every other kid in the world? First of all, the kid is sharp. From the elaborate ticketing system to the marketing deals (hello Fun Pass!), this kid has a good system going for him. The fact of the matter is, we weren't all born with this kind of innate business savviness. I mean, there are the Steve Jobs of the world, and then there's the guys peddling their sketchy wares out of their cars in poorly lit parking lots. If your entrepreneurial endeavors are going to succeed, you need a good idea and you need to dominate the details.
But even with the best idea in the world, you're not going anywhere unless you get noticed. In Caine's case, a lucky break with one of his dad's auto customers -- who happened to be a legit videographer -- resulted in Internet fame, his own official website, droves of patrons at his cardboard arcade, a free pinball machine and nearly $200,000 in donations. Yes, that's right -- $200,000. Looks like Caine is going to college someday! And deservedly so. While we can't all plan on a chance run-in with an eager, charitable publicist, we can take a few cues from Caine.
For one thing, he was always ready. Of course, Caine hadn't been aiming for the Fortune 500 when he started out -- he just wanted to have fun and hopefully attract a customer or two. But the point is, when the right customer finally came, Caine's arcade was ready for business. So, take notes from his success and always have your business polished and at the ready.
The fact is, we can't all invest in cardboard arcades and plan to make enough cash to pay off mortgages, student loans and/or bankruptcy fees. Caine's story garnered attention and funds because it was unique -- his idea was individual and inspiring. As a nine-year-old boy, he already loved arcades -- so he built his own. What is that you love? Build your business around your passions. Not only will you love what you do, you'll likely already have an expansive knowledge base on the industry you select.
Now please excuse me while I go watch Caine's video and feel emotional for the fifth time.]]>Dumb and Dumber 2: Where Will They Be Now?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.14319932012-04-17T14:40:45-04:002012-06-17T05:12:01-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/Dumb and Dumber homages, after all?
The dynamic duo is also responsible for the inevitable "Mockingbird" rendition during every road trip, not to mention influencing the default dialogue during every Big Gulps purchase in the last 18 years.
Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas -- where would we be without you? Admittedly, it'd be easy to turn up my nose at this type of movie. I could claim something about being an adult and roll my eyes at the crude humor and ridiculous gags littering the landscape of the entire plot line. I could also chalk it up to nostalgia and claim "I used to think it was funny back in the day." However, that would be a blatant lie -- and you'd have me figured out the minute I crack a smile at a well-placed quote about extra gloves and the Rocky Mountains.
And that's the beauty of Dumb and Dumber -- it's ridiculous, it's juvenile and, somehow, it's utterly timeless.
And even better: it's coming back.
The recent announcement that a long-awaited sequel is in the making was met with unashamed enthusiasm by long-time fans of the original. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels will both be back for this installment, along with the Farrelly brothers at the helm. Please excuse me while I pull on a favorite cardigan and throw a salt shaker over my shoulder in celebration.
The writers and actors are aware, no doubt, of the expectation placed on this film after a) the success of the first film, and b) the monstrosity of the prequel-that-shall-not-be-named. (Seriously what was that movie? Thankfully it was created by a third party that isn't involved in this go-round.)
So what do we have to look forward to this time around? Well I can think of a few things I'd like to know about Harry and Lloyd, nearly two decades down the road:
1. Relationship status. Did they find love? Did they fall for the same girl again? If Lloyd found himself a lady, does he dramatically sing "Goodbye my love" every time they part ways? Shhh. Just go.
2. Hobbies. I feel fully confident that Lloyd continued to dabble in feathered taxidermy, though his unconventional use of duct tape might keep him from pursuing it professionally. In Harry's case, I think he had some real potential on the ski slopes. He might even own his own skis. Both of them.
3. Mode of transportation. All I can say is, I hope an entire fleet of scooters is the answer to this question. Either that or a dog fur-trimmed, custom RV (possibly nicknamed "Samsonite") in which they are roaming the countryside.
4. Employment. Something tells me they didn't make it back into the pet grooming or limo-driving businesses. And they probably never got another chance to travel with a busload of bikini-clad models. They might have had a fighting chance at advocating for endangered owl species if it weren't for a certain unfortunate incident. Who are we kidding? Neither of them will have jobs. Even as middle-aged adults, who wants to work 40 hours a week?
The questions abound and my expectations are high for the impending cinematic release. What do you think? What will be happening in the lives of Lloyd and Harry this time around?
Also... Big Gulps huh? All right. Well...]]>The Avengers in the Hunger Games Arena: Who Would Survive?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13740822012-03-26T11:05:44-04:002012-05-26T05:12:01-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/The Avengers.
The super-powered team that makes up the Avengers clan is touted as the "Earth's mightiest heroes." Whether you're a long-time comic book purist or simply dabble in the modern movie adaptations, you're bound to have an inclination to favor one hero or another. This leads me to my hypothetical, imaginative scenario question: If you put the Avengers in a Hunger Games arena, who would survive?
Yes, yes -- I realize the Avengers are all on the same team in real life. Um, real comic book life. But in the interest of I-don't-see-why-not, here's my own take on the question. Formulate your own opinion and do tell!
Let the games begin!
Iron Man
Up first we've got the "genius billionaire playboy philanthropist" in a fancy suit. To his credit, the man's got brains and talent. And swagger. You can't deny Tony Stark's swagger factor. The reupulsor rays are impressive, no doubt, as is his ability to fly. But let's face it -- he's a bit unstable now and again (mostly again). Put him in the right stressful situation (e.g. an elaborate, televised fight to the death) and who's to say he won't fall apart on you? Not to mention, his abilities and skills lie almost solely in that sleek power suit. Malfunctions? Announcements from The Capitol that anything but hand-to-hand combat is suddenly outlawed? Sorry, but you're screwed, Iron Man.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Admittedly, if this scenario was adapted into a smash-hit book trilogy, the skinny-boy-turns-rippling-hunk aspect would be golden fodder for the tweenaged emotional feeding frenzy. In that case, he's sure to win himself a few love-struck fans. But Team Shrieks & Giggles aside, an avid hormonal, patriotic following isn't going to do the captain much good in the arena. His best bets in combat? That fearsome shield and his superhuman endurance abilities. But is it enough to ensure a victory? Debatable.
Hulk
Emotional? Impulsive? Anger management issues? In most scenarios this would be a recipe for disaster, but given that this is a gruesome fight to the death, I'd imagine the violent tendencies aren't too out of place this time. The Hulk's downfall, from what I can see, is if you managed to catch him when he wasn't in his beefed-out, green mutant form. Get that guy calm enough and sleeping in a cave somewhere and the competitors might have time to swiftly eliminate him before you can say "gamma radiation." Sure, I wouldn't want to mess with the Hulk in hand-to-hand combat -- but Bruce Banner? Not so intimidating.
Thor
Hunger Games, meet the mythical Norse god. If this character's back-story wasn't so busy bouncing everywhere in the universe from Asgard to Donald Blake to the golden apples of Idunn, it might be easier to form a legitimate opinion on his battle qualifications. But regardless of the fuzzy details, a few characteristics carry through across the board: This guy's got a hammer of doom, a golden belt of strength and the ability to occasionally throw people/things out of the earth's atmosphere with his bare hands. Not to mention the abilities to control weather and travel through time, of course. A formidable threat? I would say so.
Black Widow
I almost feel like this one's not even worth delving into. Sure, a spy/martial artist/sniper/potential ballerina/Soviet agent would strike terror in most people's hearts in the real world -- but in the arena? I'm actually thinking she'd be the first to go down. Personal bias against Scarlett Johansson aside (sorry, but when is she not playing a hard-to-like, sleazy character?), I don't think the Black Widow stands a chance out there. Though, if I was the one writing the story, I might leave her in for a few extra chapters to keep some love story intrigue alive. Also, is it just me, or does this character's life story continually ring eerily similar to Sydney Bristow in Alias?
Hawkeye
I take back what I said about the Black Widow going down first. I've re-thought the scenario and I think Hawkeye will sacrifice himself for her in a fit of old flame romantic fervor, after which she will be the next to go as she seeks vengeance for his demise. Hawkeye, you're definitely lovable with your circus-performer-turns-unwitting-villain-turns-hero-turns-villain-again-turns-your-story-is-actually-really-confusing-when-it-comes-down-to-it history, but the endearing qualities might not be enough to make your archery skills pull off anything impressive in the arena. Actually, your back-story was long and confusing enough that I might prefer an early demise just to avoid deciphering all of it. Whose side are you even on? Too much justice vs. twitterpation to unravel for my taste.
And the winner is...
So who's my money on? Drumroll, please! Here's how I envision it going down: Hawkeye will make his exit at the hands of the Hulk (took more time re-stringing his arrow than it took Banner to transform), after which the Black Widow will attempt to avenge him. Alas, she's no match against the Hulk -- but she does wound him in the process. As he's busy sleeping off his injuries, Iron Man happens upon him and that's the end of the mighty green fury. Iron Man and Captain America will have a good showdown, but a swift shot to the back with the boomerang shield and Tony Stark's suit will malfunction mid-flight. Cue fiery crash, which attracts good ol' Thor to instantly speed over from a few miles away. A few thunderclouds and a toss to the nether-regions of the ozone later, Captain America is no more. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winner!
Sure, Thor's 2011 movie wasn't the most exciting two hours of my life, but the pros and cons seem pretty clear to me in this particular case. Who will you be voting for? Fill me in while I go hand paint my "Move Over Jane Foster" t-shirt and purchase some hammer-themed accessories.]]>If Hunger Games Tributes Owned iPhonestag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13360372012-03-12T12:32:00-04:002012-05-22T15:46:23-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/The Lord of the Rings (I imagine Frodo would have killed for a solid GPS system and some Face Time with Gandalf) or High School Musical (imagine the limited number of takes if the cast could have practiced auto-tuning themselves beforehand), not to mention Twilight (all it would have taken is a simple "vampire symptoms" Google search and we could have skipped a lot of hemming and hawing on Bella's part). Because it's the hottest thing on the pop culture radar these days, let's take a look at this issue in relation to the smash hit The Hunger Games trilogy and upcoming film.
Social Media
It seems like The Capitol pretty much has it covered when it comes to broadcasting the games to the districts on the outside. But any good social media follower knows that some of the best news comes via the tweets and posts of people on the inside -- not from the glossed-over version available on major broadcasting networks. The games might take on an entirely different flavor if the people had access to a constant Twitter stream from within the arena or some disgruntled Facebook statuses from an angsty tribute or two. And imagine the repinning power of a mockingjay image! Not to mention, it would add some serious flavor to the romance situation if the audience could follow Katniss' relationship status from "In an Open Relationship with Gale" to "It's Complicated with Peeta" and everything in between.
Siri
It's undeniable that access to Siri, the crowning gem of all automated personal assistants, would have a definite impact on the games. "Siri, find the nearest hideout cave." "Siri, I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up when Cato gets within a mile of me." "Siri, find the best arrows-dealer online and FedEx me some of those overnight." "Siri, tell Haymitch I need food to come out of the sky now." "Siri, let's just get rid of Haymitch altogether because I can ask you for anything he would have given me anyway, and you're not a raging alcoholic so I trust you more." "Siri, record Rue's bird call and make it my ringtone." "Siri, please hire a criminal defense attorney because I'm about to take Foxface down."
Instagram
The effects of this photo-sharing app could veer toward either the positive or the negative side. On one hand, things might not have appeared so bad from inside the arena if followers had access to a constant stream of lovely, square-shaped photographs of the happenings. Unless, of course, the photos included any violent images. Even still, everything looks better in an overload of sepia and tan borders, right? The downside of the tributes having Instagram accounts is that their fellow competitors could use it against them. Take a picture with an identifying landmark in the background? You'll be dead before you have a chance to add a witty caption.
Games
Those lonely hours spent hiding out in trees might well have been more enjoyable for little Rue if she'd had endless rounds of Bejeweled to keep her company. But can the Tributes really afford the distraction, when it comes down to it? Well, a little Angry Birds never hurt anyone. In fact, it may even provide good training for real-life combat. Just tell Siri to find you a a slingshot and all your new-found skills will come in handy in a big way. And who knows -- a friendly game request from a fellow tribute might have softened a few grudges here and there. It's hard to hate someone who adds you on Words with Friends. But don't go around consistently playing 80-point words, or you'd better check out of foursquare and head for that hideout cave.]]>6 Famous Movies That Wouldn't Cut It as Silent Filmstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13176162012-03-05T15:04:27-05:002012-05-22T15:39:18-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/The Lion King a thousand times? Yes? Want to pay $15 to see it again? Well, the lions actually jump out at you this time. Tempting, I know. Be sure to bring your anti-anxiety meds. Hakuna Matata!
OK, granted, I didn't see The Lion King in its entire 3D splendor and I'm largely unaware if the lions actually jump out at you. But if it's not the lions, it's probably the hyenas or the antelope -- so I'm sure I'm close. In any case, the latest set of golden Oscars hinted that yet another cinematic flavor is on the rise: the silent film.
The Artistcleaned up at the most recent installment of the Academy Awards -- and it did so without saying a word. If other producers catch on to the trend, the next couple years could see a rising tide of additional silent films. But if I learned anything from the 3D trend, it's that every big movie deserves a second rodeo if it comes back in a different form -- what I'm saying is, why not start turning old favorites into silent films?
Further pondering led me to some glitches in that plan when I realized that not every film would be quite so successful sans dialogue. So, for what it's worth, here are a few popular movies that I believe would seriously crash and burn as silent films:
1. The Lord of the Rings. Are we kidding? What would this timeless trilogy be without the ability to mimic a few creepy Gollum lines or periodically yell "You shall not pass!" at your unsuspecting family members or housemates? Answer: It wouldn't be nearly as good. You can't get that kind of fiery passion from a lip read! Though either way, I'm sure I'd still be openly weeping by the time Sam carries Frodo up the mountain. Which is precisely why the audio is necessary -- who wants to cry in a silent room?
2. Back to the Future. It was bad enough hoping the DeLorean would reach 88mph in time -- I can't imagine the anxiety if they cut the instructional dialogue and I had no idea what number they were even aiming for. Not to mention, if I didn't have George McFly's quivering pick-up line "You are my density" seared into my memory, I'm not sure I could even believe in true love.
3.Star Wars. Well, I actually have mixed feelings on this one. I'd probably be OK if we erased every annoying vocal cadence that ever left Jar Jar Binks' oversized gullet. And I suppose R2D2's dialogue is only arguably crucial to the plot line. But if Yoda's funny way of speaking never hit my ears? No "I love you" from Leia and "I know" from Han Solo? No chortling wookie yells from Chewbacca? My childhood weeps at the thought.
4. Dirty Dancing. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." Enough said.
5. A Christmas Story. There's no denying it -- the narrator makes this film. Sure, watching a stoic, blonde kid navigate the ins and outs of Christmastime, school and neighborhood bullies is entertaining enough in its own way. But a stoic, blonde kid with a deep, adult voice narrating his every thought? Priceless. Besides, we'd never understand why his friend licked the frozen pole if we didn't know the verbal taunting that preceded it. No one can turn down a triple-dog dare - I'm pretty sure that's Newton's 4th Law of Motion.
6. The Sound of Music. Well let's be honest, without the music it would simply be 3 hours of Julie Andrews looking alternatively hesitant and defiant, interspersed with scenes of children frolicking in overalls made from curtains. In other words, potentially the worst 3 hours of my life. Granted, some people might prefer it without the incessant singing. I guess you can only learn about female deer and a pocket full of sun so many times before you are ready for those musical Austrian hills to be very, very dead.]]>Life Lessons Learned From (Not) Watching The Bachelortag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.13052712012-02-28T09:24:06-05:002012-05-22T15:36:56-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/The Bachelor. I know -- I'm not sure how I've avoided it either. But considering that I've lived with my fair share of female roommates, it's inevitable that I've overhead a few tidbits or caught glimpses of some random scenes.
Even if I haven't devoted a noteworthy portion of my life to the soul-enriching experience of drooling over Ben or Brad or Bob or Byron (is there a trend here?), I still feel like I've learned some important things from The Bachelor. (And no, the list doesn't include "important people's names all start with the letter B," though I'm willing to explore the possibility later.)
1. Dress up. Always.
From what I've gathered, the show largely takes place in a mansion, and the bachelors always seem to be wearing suits. It might not be true, but I swear there always seems to be a suit jacket involved. Admittedly, it makes me curious about where they are finding these fellas -- I'm pretty sure most of the guys I associate with do not casually wear suit jackets while hanging out by swimming pools. Then again, they don't hang out at mansions either. (Am I the only one suddenly questioning everything about my social circle?)
2. Heed the hair.
I did a quick Google search to check out all of the former bachelors from the show, hoping to find some visual trend with which to unite these eager hopefuls. Turns out most of them had the exact same haircut, but a select few of these men put the kibosh on bland, vanilla hairstyles. (Not to be confused with Vanilla Ice, because that man's tresses negate everything about the word bland.) There was Byron from Season 6, with his flowing, Thor-like blonde locks. And then there was Charlie from Season 7, who I'm pretty sure had feathered bangs. Speaking of bangs, Prince Lorenzo rocked the side part and swoop-bangs like the 90s never went out of style. (Insert terrible pun about Prince and partying like it's 1999.) And I'd be remiss if I neglected a moment of silence for current bachelor, Ben, and his shaggy mop top. (Unfortunately, the Internet already drew some hilarious parallels between his hair and the friend of a certain famous aardvark.)
3. Chapstick is your friend.
Like I said, I've only seen a handful of moments from this show. But you know what I've noticed? Them bachelors are always kissing on one of those eager women. Now, I'm not here to judge the contestants' loose-lipped habits or harp on the potential for germs to spread like wildfire, but I do have to legitimately wonder if any particular lip balm company is getting a sweet deal out of keeping these people's lips armed and at the ready. And OK, now that I've mentioned the germs aspect, I wonder how often the following awkward conversation takes place between the girls on any given morning in the mansion: "Oh you caught my cold? And you went out with Ben last night too? Oh...um..."
4. Pursue a glamorous career.
I did my research, and the facts don't lie: there's not a boring job title in the bunch. Actor. Pro football player. Doctor. Winemaker. US Naval Officer. Pilot. Award-winning bass fisherman. Not to mention the heir to the Firestone Tire fortune, of course. Something tells me the producers aren't scouting local community colleges and dive bars to find these guys. I mean, it makes sense -- if you're going to afford a baller wardrobe, fancy haircuts and a batch of fresh roses every week, you better have the Benjamins to back it up. Sure, it might be funded by the network's budget for now, but something tells me you won't be getting weekly stipends from them when all is said and done. Who's to say if your lovely lady of choice will stick around post-season if she discovers you're hiring a bankruptcy attorney on the side? Come to think of it, though, thus far none of the ladies of choice have actually lasted very far post-season anyway. Maybe it's the wrong flavor of lip balm?]]>Feminine Ideal: Class vs. Crasstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.12070962012-01-17T00:24:13-05:002012-03-17T05:12:01-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
Was I watching an intense movie? Was I moonlighting with a local biker gang? Was I watching an episode of "Cops"? No, actually -- this torrent of vile verbiage was flowing from the lips of a group of women.
And for what purpose? From what I could surmise, they were trying to get the attention of nearby males. I sipped my water and watched this interaction go down like I was watching a documentary on the dynamics of modern dating exploits. The comments got viler and the raucous laughter got louder, and I found myself mesmerized -- would this really work for them? Would the men be drawn in by this technique?
To be honest, I didn't stick around long enough to see how this scenario ended. (Sorry to leave you hanging.) But it did get me thinking, especially after an article circulating through my social network caught my attention the other day: The Death Of Pretty.
The gist of the article is this: women no longer aim to be pretty; they aim to be hot. They no longer wish to project innocence and virtue; they wish to be ogled. The idea rang true with my recent field studies, i.e. the aforementioned interaction I observed.
It was obvious those women were asking those men for attention -- but certainly not for respect. And, if that's the type of man they're sincerely looking for, then mazel tov to one and all -- perhaps they can all be quite happy together.
But here's the problem: the majority of women I meet express a desire to meet "a nice man" or "a good man" or "a guy that respects women."
Here's the kicker, girls: you get what you ask for. If you want a man to treat you with respect, you need to ask for respect. Flaunting your sexuality with crass comments and vulgarity? Not exactly the avenue that will lead you to a gentleman.
If it's true that pretty has died, I'd say the concept of being a lady is occupying a neighboring grave. Ladylike ideals of refinement and class have taken a beating from the push for equality across gender lines.
But why do these things have to be mutually exclusive? Does leveling the playing field between men and women mean we have to throw all gentle, demure female attributes out the window?
I like to play sports. I also like a guy to open a door for me.
I have a career and a college degree. I also like to wear a skirt on a first date and expect the guy to pay for me.
I can change a car battery. I also prefer to keep profanity and vulgarity out of my vernacular.
Oh, and I can vote. And if I want to do it with lipstick and pearls on, so be it.
Just because a woman is capable and can keep up with the male gender doesn't mean she needs to be rough around the edges to prove it.
Does this make me outdated? You might think so. But I know I want to attract gentlemen and people with class, and because of that, I want to play in their court. And so, I choose to be a lady.
"The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."
Amen, sister.]]>LDS Church Ad Campaign: Why Mormons Are on Your Billboardstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.9592982011-09-20T11:23:53-04:002011-11-20T05:12:02-05:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
For the record, it is unlikely I will respond to any derogatory or malicious comments. I simply would like to have my say and then let it be. I also encourage all commenters, in agreement with my views or not, to please be kind and respectful to each other.
But back to the title of this post. I wish I was writing this piece to brag about my own picture being on a billboard. (Bucket list, anyone?) I am writing as a supplement -- perhaps preemptive, depending on your location -- to something you may notice cropping up in your communities in the near future. It's true: Billboards, radio ads and TV commercials are about to get a little religious. If you're in New York, you may have already seen it. If you're in Phoenix, it's headed your way. (And if you're in Salt Lake, you probably can't miss it!)
What's a Mormon?
Well, we don't have multiple wives, for starters. The term Mormon is a nickname for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, derived from the title of our primary religious text, the Book of Mormon. We believe in Jesus Christ. We believe every human being is a son or daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. We believe in living prophets. We believe in the Bible. We believe in eternal marriages and families. We believe in faith, hope, love and charity.
Why the media blitz?
The truth is, there are many misconceptions about my religion. Additionally, there are many people who have simply never heard of us. The purpose of our mass media initiative is to inform people. In my experience, simple facts and knowledge can do much to quell rumors, assumptions and inaccuracies. You may notice the theme of our ad campaign: "I'm a Mormon." Our website, www.mormon.org, features thousands of profiles of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (Check me out here!)
We want you to know that we are normal people. We are not zealots or fanatics. We are everyday human beings. We have jobs, education, hobbies and interests. Chances are, whoever you are, there is a Mormon you have something in common with and can relate to.
But even as I emphasize that we are normal, relatable people, I want to openly acknowledge that we are different in many ways. Among other things, we do not drink, smoke or engage in premarital sex. We avoid crass and vulgar entertainment, whether it be in cinema, literature or everyday conversation. We aim to seek after things that will let virtue and purity garnish our thoughts at all times. Our religion is a lifestyle, one that we aim to live 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Why am I writing this?
In the Bible, Peter instructs to "be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you." I want every person who reads this to know that the lifestyle I lead and the beliefs I prescribe to do indeed fill me with hope and inexpressible joy. I am an ordinary person in many ways. I go to work every day, I paint my fingernails outlandish colors, I frequently eat cereal at midnight and I read more blogs than I care to admit to.
But I am also not ordinary, simply because of a religion that has changed my heart and defines me more than my career, hobbies or possessions could ever do. I have a knowledge of and close relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have a Heavenly Father who I know hears me every time I get on my knees and pray. I have an eternal family. I have a living prophet I can turn to for guidance in a world that grows ever more unstable. So much in life is unpredictable, but I have hope and peace because I have a knowledge of a God who makes promises of eternal happiness -- promises He does not break.
And, I'm a Mormon.
Want to know more? Want the happiness I feel? Find out for yourself.]]>It's Not You, It's Me: When Mothers Quittag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8324522011-03-10T13:31:00-05:002011-11-17T09:02:45-05:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
Now, everyone who plans to be exceptionally selfish, please sit down and cross your legs or take some birth control.
Let me start by saying that my words here are not a tirade against women who work, women with hobbies, women with ambitions outside the kitchen and laundry room, etc. These words are a call-out against self-absorption.
If you haven't read the aforementioned article, it recounts a tale of motherhood. A tale of how a woman, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, birthed two children and later decided it just wasn't her thing. A tale of how she opted for divorce, handed custody over to her husband and moved out to pursue her own ambitions.
Her reasoning? "Motherhood was this really all-encompassing thing. I was afraid of being swallowed up by that." She said she struggled with the idea that she couldn't "pick and choose" what parts of motherhood she wanted to be part of and in which arenas she'd prefer to opt out.
Let me put that into simpler words for you, Ms. Rizzuto -- you decided your needs were more important than those of the little hands and feet at home, so you bailed. You jumped ship. You quit.
Each individual woman has every right to do what she wants with her body. If you don't want to give birth to a child, that is absolutely your prerogative.
But if you choose to carry a child, let's remember that motherhood is not like buying a new sweater. You can't take it home, try it on, decide it doesn't look as good as it did in the fitting room and donate it to your local Goodwill. If you're looking for a test drive, go Maserati shopping.
Readers can argue with me and tell me personal success stories all they want (and really, good for you), but I'm sticking by my strong opinion that children do better with consistent motherly influence. Ms. Rizzuto claims that her relationship with her children not only survived but improved after she left them and wandered off into her own world.
I'm curious -- did anyone ask her children? Did anyone analyze their ability to form trusting and secure relationships? I'm going to go out on a short limb here and say they're probably affected more than their mother is willing to admit to herself.
For their sake, I hope they have an exceptional father, one who's not going to decide that his golf clubs or a foreign country are more appealing than the little human beings back home who depend on him.
Like I said before, women have choice. No one forces all women everywhere to become pregnant and have children. But as soon as you've made choices that result in bringing a life form into the world, maybe you should step up, act like an adult and be willing to focus on someone besides yourself for 18 years or so.]]>Drive-Thru Woes: Would You Like a Side of Kooky with That?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2011:/theblog//3.8177182011-02-06T15:59:22-05:002011-05-25T18:30:24-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
Firstly, I admit that I struggle to verbally communicate with people when they're not standing in front of me. I also struggle with making quick decisions. So when I drive up to a menu board with a bazillion options and a voice coming at me out of a box, panic is bound to set in. Needless to say, many miscommunications have occurred as I struggle to convey my cravings to the mysterious individual at the other end of the box.
It mostly results in frantic ramblings, e.g. "Uhhh I need another minute" and "What's the name of that one thing I once ordered...? It had sauce... and was shaped like this..." Obviously, when the person taking my order can't see my hand gestures and forlorn facial expressions, it is really difficult to describe a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. (It's not always on the menu anymore, OK?)
I really think video chat could do a lot for my drive-thru experience. Except if the employee had any weird moles or fascinating facial piercings -- then my attention span would be a goner and we'd be back at square one.
But the strangest occurrence of my drive-thru shenanigans has nothing to do with MY communication issues. It has to do with voice changes. I'm not talking pre-pubescent cracking; I mean full-on gender switches from female to male octaves.
Has this ever happened to anyone else but me? I've got at least a half dozen instances on record. I'll be gearing up for a (hopefully) smooth ordering experience, when suddenly the female voice that greeted me becomes a male voice asking what size of Dr. Pepper I would like. And then it returns to a womanly tone as he/she reveals my total and asks me to pull forward to the window.
Excuse me?
For someone who already struggles with drive-thru communication, this is a bit much to handle. It's like taking a friend who's already afraid of the woods on a night hike and stranding him without a flashlight. Stick a pin in it, why don't you?
It all became much clearer recently when someone clued me in that some fast food chains have remote ordering systems, i.e. while I'm asking for a chocolate Frosty in Arizona, someone in the backwoods of Wisconsin might be the one heeding my call. So, it turns out that the paranormal voice switches are neither the result of a) my own delusions or b) a cruel conspiracy against my fast food peace of mind -- rather, it's probably just a glitch in the system.
As if I needed more unpredictable, wacky technology in my life.
]]>Facebook Slacktivism: Charitable Opiate for the Massestag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7945672010-12-09T14:38:59-05:002011-05-25T18:20:30-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
Your wish is my command, friend-who-apparently-knows-me-too-well.
The status in question:
"ATTENTION ONE AND ALL: Remember that life phase between like 10 and 20 (give or take a margin of error) aka THE AWKWARD PHASE? Thousands of preteens and teens around the world are suffering every day. Let's make a difference! For this week, let's change our profile pictures to something from our loosey-goosey stage of life. Together we can make an impact! Repost this as your status & spread the word."
Yeah I know - excuse me while I scrape the layer of sarcasm off my computer screen.
But l am serious about one thing: What does anyone seriously think they're accomplishing with the recent slew of faux-activism Facebook statuses?
Let's recap in case you missed these gems:
If you saw a status such as "black lace" or "nude," it referred to the writer's bra color. Aim: To raise awareness of breast cancer. (No, I'm sorry; I think that actually just raised awareness of your breasts. But all your ogling online stalkers profusely thank you for sharing.)
And if your otherwise goodie-two-shoes female friends began leaving ambiguous statuses such as "likes it on the kitchen counter" or "likes it on the coat rack," don't start wondering about their new-found kinky promiscuity - they were actually just referring to where they prefer to keep their purses. And in doing so, they took strides for ... for ... oh wait, nobody really knows. But way to support the cause, ladies!
The most recent act of "slacktivism" (as a friend of mine so aptly coined it) involved changing profile pictures to a favorite childhood cartoon character. The amazing thing is, by posting pictures of He-Man and Doug Funny, we actually completely eradicated child abuse.
No ... no wait, I'm pretty sure we accomplished nothing but a trip down memory lane.
Go ahead and say it in the comment box: "But we were reliving our childhood and therefore it made us think of children and therefore we knew that child abuse was bad and therefore ..."
Hold up, amigo. Unless you followed that last therefore up with "I was inspired to donate or volunteer," you've just succinctly proven my point.
Let me supply your next line: "But I raised awareness!"
Sorry to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure nobody has missed the sad reality of child abuse or breast cancer. What about posting a link to a favorite charity? Or an inspiring video that draws tears and motivates people to click on a "Donate Now" button?
Wouldn't it be great if I could end the terrible awkward phase and make life easier for teens everywhere with a simple status update? I, for one, would have significantly less pictures to hide in the attic from my formative years. If I was actually capable of quantifying the ripple effect of my link-less Facebook status into a dollar amount (*cough*impossible*cough*), I might have a real fighting chance to make a difference.
If you want to post a cartoon character as your profile picture, by all means, go ahead. If you want to tell the world the color of your skivvies and where you "like it," get a Myspace account.
But first, let's get real and quit pretending it's actually solving any problems.
(P.S. Just to one-up you on another impending comment - before you harp on me for equating the infamous awkward phase to something as tragic as abuse or cancer, please Google "satire" and "dripping irony" and re-read my article. Thank you.)
]]>Smart Phone Phobia: One Millennial's Aversion to Creepy Technologytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7773782010-11-01T19:44:38-04:002011-05-25T18:10:25-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
First let's point out: I'm in my early 20s. I really should be more hip than I am. When people mock their parents and grandparents for being behind the times, I'm secretly feeling very geriatric.
If I were to traipse into psychoanalysis land, I might comb through my childhood for a specific instance on which to blame my technological antipathy. But looking back, the best I can come up with is the Disney Channel Original Movie, Smart House.
If you're unfamiliar with this movie, first of all, please correct that error in your life. Anyone who's not well versed in the pre-Zac Efron era of Disney Channel Original Movies is seriously missing out.
The gist of this cinematic gem is that an ordinary family wins a rather unordinary prize -- a smart house, complete with a holographic live-in maid who does everything from cleaning to cooking to mothering this single-parent family. Her name is Pat -- short for Personal Applied Technology -- and she rocks the 1950s-esque, apron-clad housewife image like nobody's business.
Creepy Stepford Wives allusions aside, things initially go pretty smoothly for this family. Until, of course, Pat goes on a power trip and starts taking over. Cue the we-all-saw-that-coming sentiments and creepy theme music.
For some reason, this particular TV movie became embedded in my subconscious. (Can't say the same for the Disney flicks about leprechauns or mermen, but I'm not ruling anything out just because those particular residual effects haven't cropped up yet.)
Smart House aired in 1999, a few years prior to the advent of several big-brother innovations that have since graced society. Let's review two prime examples:
GPS systems in cars. The first time I witnessed someone's car speaking to them, I was more than a little unsettled. Convenient, no doubt. But come on - the GPS woman even sounds like dear old Pat. This has to be a tip-off for at least one other person besides me.
Next up, smart phones. From the first time someone held their phone up to a speaker in a restaurant and it instantly told them what song was playing, I wanted nothing to do with these creepy little wonders. Does it not weird anyone else out that your phone has the ability to listen in on you? Pat has got to be behind that.
There was also that time that I saw Eagle Eye, and right when we became aware that the evil computer was the villain, the power went out in my movie theatre. I clearly remember gripping my roommate's arm in the pitch darkness and squealing something about Smart House and "I knew it" before the lights finally came back on. Terrible experience.
Yes, I am well aware that my life is not as "simple" as some of my comrades because I'm avoiding these oh-so-convenient gadgets. And no, I'm not really as paranoid as I sound. My relationship with technology is more of a yes-that's-definitely-cool-but-no-I-do-not-want-to-touch-it situation. It's sort of like when a friend has a pet rodent. Good for you, but don't you dare let that skittish, unpredictable little creature lay its paws me.
Other relevant note: I recently discovered that Mr. LeVar Burton was the director behind Smart House.
Hello, LeVar? It's me, Katie. Remember the days when you told me taking a look inside a book was all I needed? We maybe could have stuck with that relationship. I'm just sayin'.]]>The Burqa Ban: Another Misguided Step Toward So-Called Equalitytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2010:/theblog//3.7545552010-10-10T07:45:59-04:002011-05-25T18:00:30-04:00Katie Hawkeshttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hawkes/
With the dawn of the feminism age in the mid-1900s, droves of women proclaimed their independence and threw off the fetters that bound them to narrow, socially acceptable roles. The message to society was simply this: "How dare you tell us what we cannot do based on gender? How dare you confine women to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen? How dare you tell us we're worth nothing more than a gaggle of children and a few loaves of homemade bread?"
But if I may interject here, let us not forget that the sword cuts both ways. While equal opportunity is all well and good, it is my opinion that we have veered much too far in the contrary direction. In an effort to proclaim their right to wear business suits and earn paychecks comparable to their male counterparts, my feminist sisters, perhaps inadvertently, knocked sexual prejudice on its little head and took things for a 180-degree spin.
Case in point: society now places a firm taboo against telling a woman that she doesn't belong in the corporate world; however, society loves to tell women like me -- women who, yes, admittedly, firmly place motherhood as our primary goal in life -- that we are aiming too low. That raising children is old-fashioned and simple-minded. That we are less intelligent, less capable and less ambitious than the female CEOs and political leaders of the world. That women who choose full-time motherhood are just stay-at-home moms.
What once again brought this double-edged topic to my attention was France's recent ban on wearing burqas in public. The burqa, traditionally worn by Muslim women in public places, is a veil that reveals little more than a woman's eyeballs, worn with a robe that reveals little more than her hands. Society, round up your cavalries and raise your red flags: how dare a religion tell a woman she must cover herself in public? How dare a culture so brutally oppress a gender?
If I may interject again, let me point out what the burqa truthfully represents: respect. Many Muslim women wear the burqa because they respect their bodies to such a degree that they do not wish to flaunt it to the world. How sad is it that society screams "oppressive and wrong" at this, while plastering billboards and media with pornographic depictions that shriek "liberating and right."
I admit that corrupted dictators and governments have tainted society's view of traditional Islam with their extremist attitudes and, yes, oppression of women. But surely it is a logical fallacy to brand a religious practice as 100-percent erroneous because it has been warped at the hands of fanatics. Perhaps we are the ones with a warped idea of what is truly beautiful.
If we ever tried to put a ban on immodesty, the world might simply implode. Heaven forbid free expression that dictates reverence and respect for a woman's body by covering it rather than revealing it.
Forgive me, but something about this doesn't sit well with me.