The monologue was a bit long and rambling -- at one point, William Shatner showed up on screen in a "Star Trek" costume to try and help save MacFarlane from his "disastrous" hosting job. There was also a recreation of the movie "Flight" using sock puppets and dancing from Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe. Below, we've rounded up all of MacFarlane's best (worst?) quotes from the monologue.
1. The quest for Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now.
2. I can't believe I am hosting the Oscars. It's an honor everyone else said no.
3. The story [to "Argo"] was so top secret, that the film's director is unknown to the Academy.
4. Studio accountants have never had to work harder to prove nothing made a profit. [On Hollywood's year at the box office]
5. As we all know, winning an Oscar guarantees a long successful career in the industry. Look at last year: Jean Dujardin won Best Actor for "The Artist," and now, he's everywhere. I am kidding everyone. His is actually a tragic, age-old Hollywood story. He couldn't make it in the talkies.
6. "Amour" is nominated. Or as I call it, "This is Ninety."
7. [On Roman Coppola's "Moonrise Kingdom" nomination]. He is the sixth member of the Coppola family to receive a nomination. That's got to be a fun house to grow up in. "Mom, I got an A in Spanish." "Really? Literally everyone you're related to has an Oscar."
8. [On Daniel Day-Lewis's role as Abraham LIncoln]. You stayed in character all day, every day. So if you saw a cell phone, would you have to be like, "Oh my god! What's that?!" If you bumped into Don Cheadle on the studio lot, would you have to free him?
9. This is the story of a man fighting to get back to his woman, who has been subjected to unthinkable violence. Or when Chris Brown and Rihanna go on a date.
10. A lot of controversy over the multiple uses of the n-word in ["Django Unchained"]. I am told the screenplay is loosely based on Mel Gibson's voicemails.
11. It's okay for Quentin Tarantino to use [the n-word] because he thinks he's black.
12. Whether [Jennifer Lawrence] wins or loses, it's just an honor Meryl Streep wasn't nominated.
13. As I said, tonight's ceremony is being watched by a billion people worldwide. Which is why Jodie Foster will be up here in a bit to ask for her privacy.
14. Denzel Washington has a great sense of humor. He did all those "Nutty Professor" movies.
15. [To Best Supporting Actress nominee Sally Field]: You know they're going to give it to Anne Hathaway.
16. Meryl Streep, we saw your boobs.