The best thing about A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III, the new film starring Charlie Sheen, has nothing to do with the polarizing star, or the fact that he's pretty much just playing a groovy '70s version of himself. Nor does it have anything to do with co-stars Bill Murray or Patricia Arquette, who are reliably the highlights of whatever they're in.

No, the only thing that makes this snoozefest remotely watchable is Jason Schwartzman's wardrobe. The affable actor sports an amazing afro, a sleazy beard and hideous leisure suits. Best of all, though, we get to see him decked out as Carmen Miranda and a hippy cowboy in the psychedelic dream sequences.

But sadly, even Schwartzman's get-ups aren't enough to sling this flick (directed by Hollywood royalty Roman Coppola) out of the "amateur" category. It's rambling at its best, and self-indulgent at its worst. The Wrap's Alonso Duralde summed it up perfectly when he wrote: "This isn't a despicable film or a lazy one; it's just a doodle, a glorified home movie by a filmmaker who no doubt has one hell of a Rolodex and a few favours to call in."

Coppola's connections undoubtedly secured him his A-list cast that, aside from Murray and Arquette, also includes Aubrey Plaza (Parks and Recreation), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World) and Katheryn Winnick (Vikings). And, of course, there's Schwartzman, who just happens to be Coppola's cousin.

The flick follows an aging womanizer (Sheen -- who else?) who goes through some sort of existential crisis when his much-younger girlfriend (Winnick) grows tired of him. He gets into a car accident, spends some time in the hospital, hangs out with his sister (Arquette) and his pals (Murray and Schwartzman) and barks orders at his sassy employee (Plaza). He has bizarre dream sequences and haplessly tries to win his woman back. And he drives an amazing car with bacon and eggs painted on the sides (the other one of the movie's saving graces).

Essentially, this is an overly stylized movie about nothing. Since nothing happens, it drags. The actors all do their best with what they've got, and Sheen is as charming as ever. But it just doesn't work.

But who wants to focus on the negative? This seems like the perfect opportunity to celebrate Jason Schwartzman's chameleon qualities. He rarely sports the same look in any two movies, and he's definitely not afraid of making a sight gag of himself. With that in mind, here's a list of my own top five favourite Schwartzman looks.

1. Rushmore. The red beret. The tortoise-shell glasses. The combed-forward hair. Max Fischer certainly has a look that's all his own, in spite of the fact that he has to rock a private school uniform like all the other kids. No wonder Margaret Yang had a thing for him.

2. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Few men can pull off white blazers, looong sideburns and perfectly poufed hair. But Schwartzman makes it look natural. He's definitely the most stylin' ex of them all.

3. The Darjeeling Ltd. How awesome is his moustache in this movie? That moustache, along with the blazers without ties and the devil-may-care hair falling just below his eyebrows all scream, 'I'm an artiste who has lived in Paris!'

4. Shopgirl. That long slacker hair paired with the 5 o'clock shadow is positively irresistible. Steve Martin never stood a chance.

5. Freaks and Geeks. Schwartzman has sported plenty of goofy looks, and this one is no exception. His loud button-up shirt that's unbuttoned just a little too much would be sleazy if he didn't have such a baby face. That brown leather jacket is pretty bitchin', though.
CATEGORIES Movies