With a new version of "Total Recall" hitting theaters this weekend, we couldn't help but look back at the 1990 original. However, despite the similarities between both versions, there is one aspect of the classic "Recall" that can never be reproduced: Arnold Schwarzenegger's line delivery.
In a career of truly unique performances, "Total Recall" might be one of his best. Here, the onetime Governator took standard action lines about double identities and sci-fi technology and elevated them to a new level. Even the most nondescript piece of exposition becomes a memorable movie quote when it escapes from the lips of the Austrian superman.
For the uninitiated, however, it can be hard to make out what he's saying. So if you want to check out the first version of "Total Recall" this weekend, but are afraid you won't be able to follow along with Schwarzenegger, Moviefone has put together an Ah-nuld subtitle guide, to help you understand (and, if you want, impersonate) Arnie's iconic accent.
- Come on baby, you know youah the girl of my dreayums.
- Lori, let's do eet, move to Mahs.
- I'm not interested in Satuhn, I said Mahs.
- Come ahn, don't booshit me.
- Two-headed monstuhs?
- (As he is falling asleep) Sleazy… demuh
- GET! AHHF! YOU BLEW MY COVAHHH!
- What am I doing heah? How did I get in this tahxi?
- These guys were going to kill me… BUT I KILLED DEM.
- You so kinky.
- (Talking to himself as Hauser): Howdy, stranguh! This is Hausuh. If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself and you have a wet towel around your head. Now, whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise. You are naht you, you're me.
- (Responding as Douglas Quaid): No shit.
- (As he removes a tracking bug through his nose) EYAH AGH EEAH AAAH!
- (On loop) Get you ass to Mahs. Get you ass to Mahs. Get you ass to Mahs. Get you ass to Mahs. Get you ass to Mahs. Get you ass to Mahs.
- Relax… you live longuh.
- You've got to help me remembuh!
- Consider dat a divorcuh.
- You eediot!
- Get your story straight, this eediot heah has been trying to kill me ever since I went to Rekall.
- Who is it this time? My muddah?
- You bastahd!
- Guy's a fucking ahsshole!
- You got what you want -- give these peopuh aiyeah!
- BENNY! SCREW YOUAH!
- Duh whole thing is one big reactuh made out of ditanium, Cohaagen knows it makes aiyeah. The bastuhd won't turn it ahn.
- The whole coruh of Mahs is ice. The reactuh melts it and releases the oxajun.
- (At confused security guards) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
- See you at the pahty, Rictuh!
- (As he suffocates on the surface of Mars) EYAH AH AGH AAHH!
- I just had a terrible thahght: what if this is a dreayum?
Roger Ebert (Chicago Sun-Times)
"Total Recall" is well-crafted, high energy sci-fi. Like all stories inspired by Philip K. Dick, it deals with intriguing ideas. It never touched me emotionally, though, the way the 1990 film did, <a href="http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120801/REVIEWS/120739999" target="_hplink">and strictly speaking, isn't necessary</a>.
Scott Tobias (AV Club)
Its only evident passion is <a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/total-recall,83268/" target="_hplink">for excessive lens flares</a>.
Michael Phillips (Chicago Tribune)
The talented and fiercely physical Biel's musculature is more <a href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/movies/sc-mov-0731-total-recall-20120801,0,3689551.column" target="_hplink">expressive than most of the dialogue</a>.
A.A. Dowd (Time Out Chicago)
More exciting than Verhoeven fans might expect, Wiseman's Total reboot <a href="http://timeoutchicago.com/arts-culture/film/15557366/total-recall-2012-movie-review" target="_hplink">won't betray your fond memories of its iconic predecessor</a>.
Alison Willmore (Movieline)
Yes, there is <a href="http://movieline.com/2012/08/02/total-recall-remake-review-colin-farrell/" target="_hplink">a triple-breasted hooker in Len Wiseman's Total Recall remake</a>.
John Semley (Slant Magazine)
Len Wiseman's Total Recall's a trifling mess, <a href="http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/total-recall/6427" target="_hplink">as superfluous as a third breast</a>.
Bill Goodykoontz (Arizona Republic)
It's big and it's loud, <a href="http://www.azcentral.com/thingstodo/movies/articles/2012/08/01/20120801total-recall-movie-review-remake-goodykoontz.html" target="_hplink">but ultimately not much more than that</a>.
Drew McWeeny (HitFix)
This movie is a reaction to the original as much as it's a remake, and because of that, <a href="http://www.hitfix.com/motion-captured/review-colin-farrell-in-total-recall-remake-delivers-modest-action-movie-pleasures" target="_hplink">I think it manages to carve out its own identity</a>.
Justin Chang (Variety)
Crazy new gadgets, vigorous action sequences and a thorough production-design makeover <a href="http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117947985?refcatid=31" target="_hplink">aren't enough to keep Total Recall from feeling like a near-total redundancy</a>.
Jordan Hoffman (Film.com)
Like a novelty cover band, Wiseman's "Total Recall" [goes] through a checklist of <a href="http://www.film.com/movies/review-total-recall" target="_hplink">"things you have to do if you do a 'Total Recall.'"</a>
Edward Douglas (ComingSoon.net)
What the film lacks in originality, <a href="http://www.comingsoon.net/news/reviewsnews.php?id=93195" target="_hplink">it makes up for with some of the grittiest slam-bang action scenes you're likely to see this summer</a>.
John Hartl (Seattle Times)
Wisemen's film is a soulless mess, reminiscent of the unwatchable "Matrix" sequels, <a href="http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/movies/2018828539_mr03total.html" target="_hplink">while Verhoeven's movie remains a dazzling carnival</a>.
Roger Moore (McClatchy-Tribune News Service)
Despite all the effects, the action and the showcase performance created for his wife, Kate Beckinsale, <a href="http://www.freep.com/article/20120802/ENT01/308020052/-Total-Recall-remake-Visual-thrills-dull-storytelling" target="_hplink">director Len Wiseman never lets us forget that he's no Paul Verhoeven</a>.