"Battleship," opening in theaters this weekend, tells the story of a brash young Navy officer who is swept up into a ... blah blah blah. Really, the only thing that matters here is that, after throwing down money for a ticket, you can go out and get that genuine "Battleship" experience once again by buying the board game, the electronic game, the video game and the LEGO knockoff KRE-Os.
In the end, a film from Hasbro, the company that brought you 'Tranformers," is really just an elaborately disguised plot to sell toys. (Yes, director Peter Berg claims that "Battleship" is an "art house movie." The only problem is he said that during the middle of a toy fair.)
Yet, as shameless as the whole "Battleship" endeavor may appear, it's not the worst toy commercial disguised as a movie. While Hollywood inches ever closer to resembling "The Mattel and Mars Bar Quick-Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour" from "The Simpsons" ("Major Nougat! Gooey! Cocoa! Put down those entertaining Mattel products! Colonel Kataffy is up to his old tricks!"), audiences have to prepare for more board games, video games, comic books and candy wrappers that use cinema to hawk their wears.
To brace for this inevitable future of film, lets take a look at the most blatant toy commercials disguised as movies.