Perhaps it's the fact that I need to escape the onslaught of "Hunger Games" news. Perhaps it's the fact that I have a slight affinity toward the first "Piranha 3D" movie from 2010 (though, a lot of that has to do with the presence of Adam Scott). Regardless, I don't want to let the new "Piranha 3DD" red band trailer escape into the ether without truly capturing every morsel of its greatness/awfulness before I quickly forget it even exists. In other words: Whatever! Here's my live blog of the "Piranha 3DD" red band trailer.

:02 I must admit, the actual redness of any red band trailer always freaks me out. Also: define "mature." Because that word means different things, especially if we're talking about the porn industry.

:09 So far, just people having a nice time. Hey, imagine if that was the whole movie. Oh, wait, I forgot, that movie exists and it was called "Project X" and it was terrible.

:13 Watching nudity while in the office is a strange feeling. "No, I swear, this is for work. Really!"

:17 "Tell me you did not replace our old lifeguards with strippers." I feel this is the type of thing that only happens where man eating fish might attack.

:18 Wait, David Koechner is in this?

:19 "Water-certified strippers." Whammy!

:30 A child is claiming that he was bit by a piranha. His mother does not believe his story. I feel the presence of under-protective mothers is the type of thing that only happens where man-eating fish might attack.

:40 Not only am I surprised that Christopher Lloyd is in this movie, I had completely forgotten that he was in the first movie, too.

:49 I would bet money that Christopher Lloyd thinks he's in a serious movie.

:54 When swimming in a swamp, or whatever, at night, "Is that you?" is never a question that you want to ask to your swimming partner.

1:01 David Hasselhoff is in this movie, which seems right.

1:05 The biggest question here: Is Hasselhoff playing himself or is he playing Mitch Buchanan? And if he is playing Buchanan, is this canon to the original "Baywatch"series and 'Baywatch Nights"?

1:16 I actually hope that the people who are currently wearing Ryan Gosling's jacket from "Drive" decide to adopt David Koechner's jacket into their personal wardrobe, too.

1:25 Hasselhoff admits that he's not a lifeguard. Sadly, I still have no idea if he's playing himself or Mitch Buchanan.

1:30 "Double the Action." Oh, God, just don't say "Double the Running Time."

1:35 Seriously, I don't want to know what just happened right here. Ever.

1:41 Ah, "Double the Ds." See, that's what they call a double entendre because that could refer to the extra "D" for "dimension" in the title, or a bra size.

1:47 The sight of Ving Rhames just made me sad. This ship really isn't turning around, is it?

1:49 Are Ving Rhames' legs being used as guns? Did "Piranha 3DD" just rip off "Planet Terror?"

1:50 Yep, they sure did.

2:01 A small piranha just swam through what was most likely miles of pluming, just to visit this girl in the bathtub. I would watch a documentary on that journey.

2:08 And now I'm being directed to a Facebook page for more exciting photos. Which I did, and -- correct me if I'm wrong -- but I believe all of the exciting photos are from the first film. You know, it's probably for the best.

[via IGN]

Mike Ryan is the senior writer for Moviefone. He has written for Wired Magazine, VanityFair.com and GQ.com. He likes Star Wars a lot. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter
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