We've all shown up for a trip with a suitcase full of mismatched socks and bottles of marijuana before. OK, maybe it's not that extreme, but there is nothing worse than packing the wrong things. When it comes to Sundance, those possibilities of this happening are endless. How often do you have to fill a suitcase that will prepare you for Sundance-like situations? Ski bunny by day, movie/party-goer by night. It's a difficult dichotomy.
After extensive Internet research and input from Clark's years of experience, here's what we've decided to pack as our Sundance essentials:
Crampons for high heels.
It's all about looking good and getting a grip. High heels plus snow and ice equals a personal safety hazard. I could always wear snow boots, but finding the right party dress to match has been a challenge. If only I could have found that perfect '80s snow bunny onesie.
A Script, regardless of whether or not I wrote it.
Everyone you meet will be connected to the industry. You will bump into them in the bathroom, fight them for the last popcorn and be jammed up against them in lines. Don't miss these opportunities to pitch your script. What's that? You don't have a script. Find one. Showing up to Sundance without a script is like showing up for an important meeting without your pants on.
At lot of people like to hate on Sundance because of all the "other people" at the festival trying to sell you things. They complain about the lines, the swag house and the lack of focus on the movies. There is nothing I love more than making a judgment with little to no information. It's the American way. However, in this instance, I'm trying to remain uncorrupted and enjoy the experience without being jaded by all this naysayer talk. I love the concept of Sundance and I love Robert Redford so bring on the entertainment and the low fat, no butter popcorn.
An invitation for Parker Posey to go steady with me.
Yes she will be there and yes I will find her. I've been obsessed with her ever since she combined stripped camel toe with screams to fry like bacon in the mid '90s. I love you Dazed and Confused
. In a world of actresses who blend together and turn themselves inside out for big studio roles, Parker Posey does what she wants. And what she wants I like.
The right facial expression for a bad movie.
I'm assuming that at some point I will see a movie that is not very good and I will have to then talk to someone who was in that movie. I know exactly what to do with my face when I enjoyed something. It's a little harder to find the right positioning for your mouth and eyebrows when something sucks.
1. My best "get me on the list" one liners.
In addition to being THE place to see amazing movies, Sundance is a door gauntlet. You need to be on a list to go anywhere. This includes getting in to see the movie, the show or the after party. This is going to take some savvy negotiating so I've been perfecting my reasons for entry all week. I'm almost at the point where I can say things like the following with a straight face. "My old college buddy used to date the sister of the PR girl whose friend on Facebook is throwing this party. Let me in fool!"
2. A vintage cell phone for when my regular phone decides to go swimming.
Everyone's been there. One minute you are holding your phone and the next it's submerged in your drink. Or maybe it just decided to take a dip in another body of water, like a hot tub. This year I'm taking a back up, a 1997 Nokia flip phone. Hello old friend, don't you look pretty.
4. Verbal self-control.
This might take the shape of seven rolls of duct tape or a designer gag. A filter is one item my brain is typically lacking. Slapping duct tape straight across the mouth this year is going to avert some potentially awkward situations. Things not to be repeated from last year: telling an aging rapper what I really thought of his last album.
4. My manstyle.
Looking good at Sundance isn't just for the ladies. I've packed all the important gear. Sunless tanning lotion, so I can compete with the fake baked celebers. Check. Man Uggs to keep the feet looking trendy and feeling toasty. Check. A puffy jacket that's so shiny you can check your hair in the reflection. Check.
That's it. Bags packed. See you on the slopes.