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Hello. It's the Friday afternoon before Christmas and if my office is anything like your office, it's pretty empty right now. Chances are, you're not even in the office. Chances are you will never read this because you're on a plane or train to somewhere that you either love (or despise) for the holiday weekend. But if you are at your office, you may be struggling to find something that makes it look like you are keeping busy. Hey, me too! No need to piss off the boss right before a long weekend, right? With that, I wrote a piece in which I pretend to interview Joey, the horse from 'War Horse.' Because even though this is utter nonsense, it appears to everyone else around my desk like I'm doing actual work. So, happy holidays, no one that's reading this.

It's nice to meet you, War Horse; can I call you Joey?
Neigh.

OK, then! Are you excited for your movie to come out?
Neigh.

Oh, well that's disappointing. Did you have to do any special training in preparation for this film?
Neigh.

Did you like working with Steven Spielberg?
Neigh.

You know that you're the first actor to ever say "no" to that question, right?
Neigh.

Oh, really. Who else didn't like working with Spielberg? It's Christian Bale, isn't it?
Neigh.

Eric Bana?
Neigh.

Moving on: Do you think the socio-economic message of 'War Horse' has any parallels whatsoever to the economic downturn that we're now facing in the early 21st century?
Neigh.

Curious. So do you at least think 'War Horse' displays the evil of war, whether it's fought in trenches or, like today, with tactics ranging from unmanned drones to terrorism?
Neigh.

Is 'War Horse' about anything?
Neigh.

I usually don't ask personal questions, But there are those persistent rumors about you and Uggie from 'The Artist.' Are those true?
Neigh.

Can I feed you an apple?
Neigh.

Too bad. There's an earnestness to 'War Horse' that's almost shocking when compared to the cynicism of our current world. Do you think the world was a better place in 1914, from a moralistic point of view?
Neigh.

So it's better now, in the present?
Neigh.

I agree, there are always shades of grey during any era. Thanks for your time, War Horse, it was a pleasure to meet you.
You too.

You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter

[Photo: DreamWorks]



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