'The Muppets,' a movie about the Muppets, is in theaters right now. It's really a shame that Disney, in their infinite wisdom, decided against marketing Jason Segel's ode to... What's that? Oh, they did market it? A lot, actually? So much that everyone on Earth, as I type, is already watching 'The Muppets'? Is there a point to answering 25 Questions? Can I pretend Bip Bippadotta is asking the questions? OK, then! With that, we pretend to answer every question that Bip Bippadotta has about Jason Segel's version of 'The Muppets.'

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: Honestly, I don't remember the last time I walked out of a movie on such a high.

Q: Do doo be-do-do.

A: Well, I meant a natural high. That time I came up with alternative ways to enjoy 'The First Wives Club' doesn't count.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: 'The Muppets' opens with a montage of brothers Gary (Jason Segel) and Walter (a piece of felt) growing up together. They both fall in love with the television show, 'The Muppet Show.'

Q: Do do-do do.

A: Yes, they are brothers. And it's never explained how that's possible, considering that Walter is a puppet.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: I don't call Walter a "Muppet" because the Muppets, at least in this movie, seem to be a an organization that requires some sort of invitation of membership. In other words: Just because you're a superhero, that doesn't automatically mean that you're a part of the Justice League of America.

Q: Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

To celebrate their ten-year anniversary, Gary plans a trip to Los Angeles with his girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams). To Mary's slight chagrin, Gary invites Walter, too.

Q: Mah mama na mah mah namomp momp ma mo mo mana mo.

A: Mickey Rooney.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: Yes, Steve Martin is in 'The Muppets,' sort of. At one point Gary and Walter are watching the Steve Martin hosted episode of 'The Muppet Show.'

Q: Do doo be-do-do.

A: As a treat for Walter, Gary plans a tour of the Muppets' old studio, which, they find out, is now abandoned and decrepit.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: Walter overhears an oil tycoon named Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) discussing his plans to purchase the old studio, tear it down, and drill for oil. He had promised the Muppets that he was going to build a Muppet museum.

Q: Do do-do do.

A: Yes, this sets up a visit to Kermit's infamous mansion that the real life ex-Muppeteers were complaining about.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: Yes, it's a big house. And, yes, it has an electrified fence. But, really, it's not at all a real part of the plot. Put it this way: If this is the most glaring example that the ex-Muppeteers can come up with in relation to their perceived poor quality of the new film, they're just bitching to hear themselves bitch.

Q: Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

A: The studio can be saved if Kermit, Walter, Gary and Mary can convince the rest of the Muppets to put on a telethon in an effort to raise $10 million.

Q: Mah mama na mah mah namomp momp ma mo mo mana mo.

A: 'Cars' by Gary Numan.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: Watching Chris Cooper rap and dance is one of the most surreal things that I've ever seen.

Q: Do doo be-do-do.

A: Most of the Muppets do agree to help, but some of them do have interesting jobs these days: Scooter works for Google and Miss Piggy is an editor at Paris Vogue. Piggy becomes the only real hold out.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: No, I'm not a huge Muppets fan. I liked the first Muppet movie, loved 'The Great Muppet Caper' and never cared too much for 'The Muppets Take Manhattan.' You don't have to be a fan of the Muppets to enjoy 'The Muppets.'

Q: Do do-do do.

A: Because 'The Muppets' knows just how irrelevant the Muppets have been over the last few years. I mean, at one point Kermit tries to call the White House in an effort to talk to President Carter. It's the perfect mix of meta self-awareness and nostalgia.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: You will not see Jason Segel's penis in 'The Muppets.'

Q: Do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

A: Jack Black.

Q: Mahna Mahna?

A: Ken Jeong.

Q: Do doo be-do-do?

A: The music is quite infectious. Of the new songs, 'Life's a Happy Song' and 'Are You a Man or a Muppet?' are standouts.

Q: Mahna Mahna!!!

A: Well, I must admit, I have no idea what "mahna mahna" means.

Q: Do do-do do.

A: And, no, I've never really even liked this song.

Q: Mahna Mahna!!!!!

A: 'Fuck You' by Cee Lo Green



Do do do-doo do!

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