Before Wednesday, I had never seen a 'Twilight' movie. Then I watched four of them. Four! For three of these movies -- 'Twilight,' 'New Moon' and 'Eclipse' -- I liveblogged the entire experience. For the fourth, 'Breaking Dawn – Part 1,' I had to travel from my apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan to the Upper West Side of Manhattan to watch the film in a movie theater. Obviously, in a theater setting I couldn't "liveblog," but I did keep a running diary of the entire event. So, here's how that went.

5:15 p.m. 'Jungleland' by Bruce Springsteen, a song I love, just started playing on my iPod -- only now the song plays as a montage of 'Twilight' scenes run through my head. This is disturbing. Also, I'm afraid that everyone else on this bus knows that I'm thinking about 'Twilight.'

5:30 p.m. I am halfway across town and I just realized that I don't have my wallet. Awesome.

5:32 p.m. I may have just stolen my first cab from another human being. To be fair, I hailed the cab, so maybe this guy was trying to steal it from me? Regardless, as I'm writing this, this man is intensely staring at me through the window. I don't think explaining to him that I'm late for a screening of a 'Twilight' movie will help.

5:34 p.m. I am being yelled at by a New York City cab driver who is not keen on the idea of waiting for me as I run into my apartment to get my wallet before taking me to the 'Breaking Dawn' screening. And he has a point. He accuses me of being a "kid looking for trouble." I am in my 30s.

6:15 p.m. Honestly, this is the most intense security that I've ever seen for a press screening. A security guard just tried to confiscate my laptop. He finally let me go with a warning, "I better not see you using it during the movie." Yes, that's right, I'm just going to bypass the smaller amount of light that emits from my phone and skip right to a computer. I hope no one minds.

6:50 p.m. Matt Patches from Hollywood.com just yelled "Go pee!" at me from across the theater. To be fair, this is an inside joke that is not at all what you would think, but every other person in the theater who heard that just thought that Matt Patches from Hollywood.com ordered me to urinate.

6:51 p.m. An angry man in front of me is accusing a woman of stealing his coat. That is until the man realized that he was in the wrong row. Tensions are running high at 'Breaking Dawn'!

7:05 p.m. And my fourth 'Twilight' movie of the day has started. And there's a smattering of applause from audience members. I'm going to pretend that the applause is for me.

7:06 p.m. "Hey, Kristen, remember that really monotone voiceover you did for the first movie? And then the second movie? And the third movie, too? Yeah, do that again. For continuity's sake."

7:07 p.m. And our first shirtless Jacob sighting has already happened.

7:08 p.m. I know that vampires aren't supposed to age. And I know the first 'Twilight' movie came out only three years ago. But Edward looks like he's aged about ten years since I first saw him at 10:00 a.m. this morning.

7:10 p.m. You know, on a giant screen, Bella's dad still looks like Jimmy Fallon with a mustache.



7:25 p.m. Yep, there's Anna Kendrick again. I still can't get over the fact that she's in these movies. I still refuse to believe this.

7:30 p.m. OK, I just heard laughter from the entire audience as the wedding speeches are made. And not the "it's so bad I'm going to laugh" type of laughter -- this is a legitimately funny scene. Of course, Anna Kendrick and Jimmy Fallon with a Mustache are involved.

7:38 p.m. Jacob just said, "Well, 'Kind' is my middle name." The way that sentence was delivered, I'm honestly not sure if that's sarcasm or not. I think there's a 60 percent chance that his full name actually is Jacob Kind Black.

7:39 p.m. My friend who is with me, a huge 'Twilight' fan, is making a bathroom run. Apparently she's taking Matt Patches' advice.

7:48 p.m. My friend is still not back from the restroom.

7:49 p.m. I'm not sure what is longer: My friend's urine stream or Bella and Edward's Honeymoon.

7:50 p.m. I will admit, Edward has excellent penmanship.

7:54 p.m. I'm not kidding, in less than 90 seconds, Bella has had morning sickness, realized she missed her period, noticed that she had a baby bump and then felt kicking.

7:57 p.m. I'm starting to think that this isn't a very good movie.

8:10 p.m. There it is: the biggest unintentional laugh of the evening! And the award for delivering the line goes to ... surprise winner, Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli).

8:20 p.m. Edward preferred search engine of choice is Yahoo. To be fair, Edward is 110 years old.

8:30 p.m. I must admit, when you put blood into a Styrofoam cup with a straw, it does make it look somewhat appetizing. Also, I may have just watched one too many 'Twilight' movies today.

8:32 p.m. My friend is still not back. Do I go look for her? Her coat is still here.

8:33 p.m. I think the infamous birth scene is starting.

8:35 p.m. Good Lord. (Honestly, this is a picture of what I wrote down in my notes as this scene was happening.)



8:36 p.m. I just can't ...

8:36 p.m. Make it stop!

8:37 p.m. The cracking noises are by far the worst part of this.

8:38 p.m. And there's the obligatory "stab a needle into the heart" scene.

8:40 p.m. My friend never returned from the restroom. I have no idea where she is, but I am too numb to move after what I just witnessed.

8:45 p.m. The film is now going through a montage of Bella's life. Which means the film is going through a montage of my entire day.

9:01 p.m. My friend finally returns. She sat on the aisle because she didn't want to climb over people to get back to her seat. I have no idea who the worse person here is: Her, for not telling me and causing me concern, or me, for being concerned and doing absolutely nothing about it.

9:03 p.m. I will never understand these movies. I admit to my 'Twilight' loving friend that I enjoyed this one the most of the four, but she hated it. Yet she's seeing it again on Thursday night at midnight. Because that makes perfect sense. I give up.

9:10 p.m. Beer.

9:22 p.m. Another beer.

9:38 p.m. The guy next to me at the bar just asked me what I do for a living. I swear, he followed up on that question with, "So, I've got two young daughters, have you ever seen 'Twilight'?" Christ.

9:40 p.m. Yep, I do think I need one more beer.

[Photo: Summit Entertainment]



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