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Goodness gracious, did you hear the big news? (Due to liability reasons, I must insist that you sit down for this news. Also, I recommend that you have a paper bag at the ready just in case you start hyperventilating and need to start inhaling your own carbon dioxide in order to subdue yourself. Also, a Quaalude wouldn't be the worst idea -- but, again, for liability reasons, I can't at all suggest that you actually ingest a Quaalude.) OK, I'm just going to come out and say this; no beating around the bush... your mother and I are getting a divorce (oops, sorry, wrong painful flashback) J.J. Abrams' sequel to his 2009 blockbuster 'Star Trek' will not be titled 'Star Trek 2.' Shocking! This is BIG NEWS! But, as long as I have you here -- and since your body is starting to go into shock anyway -- here are 20 more things the first sequel to 'Star Trek' will not be called.

1. 'Star Trek Rises'

2. 'A Good Day to Star Trek'

3. 'The Lovely Bones'

4. 'Star Trek Beyond Thunderdome'

5. 'Star Trek: On the Rocks'

6. 'Star Trek: Federation Credits Never Sleep'

7. 'Star Trek: The First Avenger'

8. 'Star Trek, Too'

9. 'Star Trek and a Little Lady'

10. 'Star Trek: The Legend of Scotty's Gold'

11. 'Star Trek: The Wrath of Arex'

12. 'Star Trek: Not the George Lucas Movies that You Hate Right Now'

13. 'Star Trek 3'

14. 'Star Trek: Citizens on Patrol'

15. 'Star Trek: Lost in New York'

16. 'Space Seed of Star Trek'

17. '2 Star 2 Trek'

18. 'Kirk Goes to Hell: The Final Trek'

19. 'More Star Trek'

20. 'Tower Heist'



[Photo: Paramount]



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