Over this past weekend, I attended New York Comic Con. In theory, this should have been something that at least bordered on the notion of fun. For me, however, things did not go -- as they say -- smoothly. With a little effort, you, too, can attend New York Comic Con in the future and have a bad time. So, with that, here is a list of helpful Dos and Don'ts on how not to have a good time at New York Comic Con.
DO get an email from a fellow movie writer that they are already in 'The Avengers' auditorium because "it's crowded" while you are still sitting on your couch waiting for your iPhone iOS 5 to install.
DO decide that this would be a good day to install a new operating system onto the one device in the world that you need on this day.
DO follow a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters two blocks out of your way because you thought they were Comic Con cos-players and assumed "they know where they're going."
DO continue to ask the New York Comic Con employee five separate times where the correct press line is -- even after she told you, "wrong line," then proceeded to pretend that you don't exist.
DO question your chosen occupation and your reason for living when you enter the New York Comic Con pressroom (pictured below).
DON'T have a disdain for tuna when the only readily obtainable food at Comic Con is tuna.
DO excitedly try to give a high-five to a man wearing a St. Louis Cardinals hat only to be denied a reciprocal high-five.
DO wonder why a ghostbuster is seeking medical advice.
DO get approached in the men's room by a man asking you to take a look at his "animated spec."
DO assume that your iPhone, with a brand new operating system, will actually receive a signal at New York Comic Con.
DON'T notify security when the man who is dressed like Mr. T seems visibly upset at another Comic Con patron because you've convinced yourself that he's "just doing his shtick."
DO ask Cobra Commander for a picture only, instead, have him give you what you think is the finger and walk off.
DO sound like your father when you yell, "Stop doing that," at a teenager who is trying to cut in line.
DO get poked in the back by a New York Comic Con employee who is trying to make an example out of you for "being in the way," even though you are standing as far to the side as possible.
DO go to a seedy dive bar to write your 'The Avengers' panel recap.
DO forget to remove your New York Comic Con press pass and have the Irish bartender refer to you as "a dandy."
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