It's now, finally, being reported that J.J. Abrams is officially directing a sequel to 'Star Trek.' On May 9, 2009 -- the day after 'Star Trek' premiered in theaters -- society mostly knew that J.J. Abrams would direct a sequel; I own a pet turtle that I've caught eating its own poop -- and even my turtle was sentient enough to have realized, months ago, that J.J. Abrams would direct a second 'Star Trek' film. Yet, here we are, with the anticlimactic confirmation that Abrams is coming back. So, while we are at it, here are 20 more 'Star Trek 2' confirmations that are just as unexpected as this Abrams news.
1. J.J. Abrams will wear glasses while filming 'Star Trek 2.'
2. Captain Kirk will be played by an adult human male in 'Star Trek 2.'
3. Someone on the bridge of the USS Enterprise will, at some point, lose his or her balance.
4. Simon Pegg will Tweet from the set of 'Star Trek 2.'
5. Chekov will speak with a Russian accent in 'Star Trek 2.'
6. William Shatner will be mad about something that happens in 'Star Trek 2.'
7. 'Star Trek 2' will probably take place after the events of 'Star Trek.'
8. I will really like 'Star Trek 2' on its first viewing, but like it less and less after time.
9. Hayden Christensen will not be in 'Star Trek 2.'
10. In 'Star Trek 2,' Dr. McCoy will be in the general vicinity of someone who is dead. Also, James Kirk will be in the same vicinity.
11. In 'Star Trek 2,' at least one person from the crew of the USS Enterprise will meet a being who doesn't like that particular crewmember.
12. My mom will not see 'Star Trek 2.'
13. Scotty will speak with a Scottish accent in 'Star Trek 2.'
14. 'Star Trek 2' will take advantage of a special effects technique called "Computer Generated Images."
15. My Mom might see 'Star Trek 2' if Kevin Costner is cast in a role.
16. Dr. Leonard McCoy will use James Kirk's less formal name, Jim, but Kirk will never refer to McCoy as Lenny.
17. My mom also might see 'Star Trek 2' if Tom Selleck is cast in a role.
18. Kenny Loggins will not sing the title song from the 'Star Trek 2 Official Motion Picture Soundtrack.'
19. After seeing 'Star Trek 2' for the first time, I will probably offer Paramount an overenthusiastic blurb along the lines of "Warp Factor 10 out of 10" -- and then regret that blurb three months later.
20. I will lose my job because of that blurb and forever be known as the "Warp Factor 10 guy."
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