Toronto! As the old saying goes: If you can make it there, you can make it in about half the other major metropolitan Western hemisphere cities. Last week, I gave you a crash course on how to unintentionally accomplish nothing in your first 24 hours at the Toronto International Film Festival. Well, things did get a little better in terms of production, but that doesn't mean the awkward moments for this TIFF neophyte stopped. So! Moviefone is happy to present to you a handy guide on how to have as many awkward moments as possible at your first Toronto International Film Festival.
DO get fooled every time by the Lightbox theater's "working" Wi-Fi.
DO approach Adam Scott at a party and chat with him for three minutes before remembering to tell him your name.
DO attempt to pay for everything with American currency.
DO refer to fellow journalist Karina Longworth as "Marina" the entire evening because you misheard the person who introduced you to her.
DO make a fool out of yourself by profusely apologizing to Karina Longworth even though she didn't realize that you were calling her "Marina" and really didn't care either way.
DO ask Megan Fox to attempt to decipher your handwriting.
DO think to yourself, "David Silver just walked in the room!" when Brian Austin Green drops off a piece of luggage for Megan Fox.
DO, after an interview with Jon Hamm, upset the 'Friends with Kids' star by saying Missouri (his alma mater and mine) lost a football game after he very excitedly said, "Hey, Dude, Mizzou won!"
DO tell Chris Pratt – who may very well be the nicest guy alive – "You know, I didn't care so much for Andy on 'Parks and Recreation' during its first season."
DO make this the only picture that you took of the CN Tower.
DO, when Alexander Skarsgård walks by, say out loud -- in a way more audible than it should be voice -- "Wow, he's tall."
DO make sure to approach Alexander Skarsgård and remind him about the interview he canceled with you due to Hurricane Irene.
DO, when Alexander Skarsgård graciously and unnecessarily apologizes to you for canceling an interview due to Hurricane Irene, shrug and say "Hurricanes... what are you gonna do?"
DO hail a cab in an intersection that then promptly gets pulled over by the police... for blocking an intersection.
DON'T apologize to the cab driver as he's getting arrested for not having a valid license. Just quietly get out of his cab and get into another cab.
DO take a picture of the back of Ryan Gosling's head and post it on Facebook in an attempt to impress your friends from high school.
DO let fellow journalist Katey Rich talk you into eating a hot dog from a street vendor at 3:00 a.m. that will give you indigestion for the next 24 hours.
DO interview Roland Emmerich with severe indigestion.
DO use the phrase "hot scoop" unironically.
DO be at lunch at a Toronto café and scream, "There's a bee!" Then, run away from the table.
You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.
Follow Moviefone on Twitter.