To be fair, the sheer volume of on-screen deaths in this movie would have been more surprising if the title had been 'Conan the Aristocrat.' But when the main character goes by the surname "Barbarian," it's a safe bet that there might be a kerfuffle or two -- or, well, quite a bit more. Last night, during an advanced screening of Conan the Barbarian -- starring Jason Momoa, taking over the role from an actor named Arnold Schwarzenegger -- we tried our best to keep a running count of each and every on-screen death.
A disclaimer: This is by no means a scientific study. Several scenes feature so much simultaneous carnage that it will probably be necessary one day to recruit a team of technicians to examine each frame and provide an official body count. Until that glorious day comes, however, this unofficial tally will have to do. Another caveat: these deaths actually occur on-screen; those implied by an aerial shot of post-battle carnage are not included.
Death by sacrifice: 1
Death by womb stabbing: 1
Death by molten metal to the face: 1
Death by Wolverine-style hand claw: 2
Death by living in a village that has been pillaged: 36
Death by forest sneak attack gone terribly wrong: 4
Death by head smashed on ground: 1
Death by human catapult: 1
Death by attempted ship hijacking gone terribly wrong: 11
Death by serpent: 4
Death by sword in battle: 32
Death by arrow in battle: 11
Death by being turned into dirt: 5
Death by impalement: 1
Death by lava river: 1
Death by gutting: 1
Death by beheading: 1
Grand Total of Deaths: 113
Length of 'Conan the Barbarian' in Minutes: 112
Average D.P.M. (Deaths Per Minute): 1.009
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