Movie theaters: you used to love them. But slowly your enjoyment was eclipsed by irritation -- at the chatty patron to your left, or maybe it was the blinding glare from the gentleman texting three rows ahead. Perhaps you have given up. Perhaps you've resigned yourself to waiting for the latest blockbuster to appear in your cable provider's on-demand menu. Perhaps you won't watch anything anymore unless it's available for free from Netflix.
But wait -- there is hope. Over at IFC, Matt Singer wants to help you take back movie theaters from the "a-holes." In fact, he's gone as far as to create a Movie Theater Etiquette Manifesto that includes such worthwhile declarations as:
1. Shut Our Mouths. Talking is permitted up to and including the trailers (we, the undersigned, also pledge to make fun of anyone who shushes people for talking over the MovieTickets.com ad). After that, we will be quiet. Valid exceptions: midnight movies and any film starring Nicolas CageNumber five always, always happens to me! Oh, and the always controversial:
2. Never Bring a Baby To An R-Rated Movie. Do you know why your baby is crying? Because it's 10:30 at night and you're forcing it to watch a man with knives for fingers use a naked woman as a whetstone.
5. Sit Directly In Front of Someone Only When There Are No Other Seats Available. Only a-holes sit directly in front of someone they don't know just because they "like" that seat.
8. Throw Our Garbage On the Floor. The movie theater is the only public space in the world where it is socially acceptable to act like a pig. That is the way it has always been, that is the way it always shall be. We, the undersigned, vow that no matter how many times multiplexes include "Please Throw Away Your Trash" messages in their pre-show entertainment, we will continue to ignore them.
And Singer hasn't just created a manifesto -- he also started a petition. We, as a peaceful society, can take back out theaters. If we all agree to play by these rules, you won't have to wait three months to see the new 'Conan the Barbarian' movie you've desperately been waiting for. (I know you are out there, somewhere, Conan lover.)