When the first 'Pirates of the Caribbean' was announced in 2002, we were skeptical at the notion of a movie based on a theme park ride. Three sequels and several billion dollars later, we admit we were wrong.With yesterday's announcement of a Matterhorn film (based on the popular Disneyland coaster), and with the upcoming 'Haunted Mansion' and 'Magic Kingdom' now in production, it would appear this "look to theme parks for movie inspiration" thing is becoming a trend.
Before long, Hollywood will be pitching amusement parks to build rides based on movies. While King's Dominion's the Hurler, based on 'Wayne's World,' has already been done, we'd like to head the studio bigwigs off at the pass before they get too crazy.
Therefore, we present to you: Movies That Would Make the Worst Theme Park Rides.
Willy Wonka's Wondrous Boat Ride
Step inside the little boat that scarred millions of children for life: This ride begins so gently, your mom will say, "Now this is nice." And then you enter the tunnel, where the visions of headless chickens and creepy crawlies begin, and your trusted guide is dementedly crooning in an eerie sing-songy way. The rowers keep on rowing and they show no signs of slowing!
'Final Destination 3' Devil's Flight Roller Coaster
Experience the disastrous chain of events for yourself on this Grim Reaper–themed "high-velocity thrill ride," where the car stops at the top of the upside-down loop, the brakes and safety equipment fail, and you and your friends plummet to your grisly death. Enjoy!
The 'Zombieland' Zombie Drop
Strap yourself in because when this ride drops, it's straight into the clutches of hundreds of ravenous zombies. Better use those zooms upward to reload, and fast! (You did bring your shotgun, right?) Oh, and watch out for those Zombie Clowns.
'Requiem for a Dream': Happy Fun Time
First you get addicted to heroin and painkillers. Then you get in one of those virtual reality boxes and take a ride to score more drugs. Along the way, they chop off your arm and put your mother in the psych ward. Fun!
'The Shining' Haunted Hotel and Hedge Maze
We hope you like blood, because you start off by getting bathed with an elevator full of it! After that, you get trapped inside a hedge maze with a creepy set of previously murdered twins, a zombie who used to live in the hotel and a raving lunatic who just happens to be carrying an axe. If you can find the exit before time runs out, you get to live!
'A Clockwork Orange' Funchair
You're cuffed to a chair with your eyelids pried open and forced to watch scenes of ultraviolence until you're a psychologically shattered shell of your former self. Science!
'Requiem for a Dream': Happy Fun Time
First you get addicted to heroin and painkillers. Then you get in one of those virtual reality boxes and take a ride to score more drugs. Along the way, they chop off your arm and put your mother in the psych ward. Fun!
'Seven' Deadly Rooms of Sin
You're forced to eat to your breaking point (gluttony); then they drain your blood (greed); then they strap you down and starve you for a year (sloth); we may have to skip the lust one -- it's a family park, after all; then they cut off your nose (pride); then they chop your spouse's head off (envy); then you shoot someone and go to jail (wrath).
You're forced to eat to your breaking point (gluttony); then they drain your blood (greed); then they strap you down and starve you for a year (sloth); we may have to skip the lust one -- it's a family park, after all; then they cut off your nose (pride); then they chop your spouse's head off (envy); then you shoot someone and go to jail (wrath).
'The Shining' Haunted Hotel and Hedge Maze
We hope you like blood, because you start off by getting bathed with an elevator full of it! After that, you get trapped inside a hedge maze with a creepy set of previously murdered twins, a zombie who used to live in the hotel and a raving lunatic who just happens to be carrying an axe. If you can find the exit before time runs out, you get to live!
'A Clockwork Orange' Funchair
You're cuffed to a chair with your eyelids pried open and forced to watch scenes of ultraviolence until you're a psychologically shattered shell of your former self. Science!
'Flight of the Navigator' From Hell
It's a cool time-travel ride in a futuristic spaceship! Except that when it's over, your family thinks you've been dead for eight years and nobody recognizes you.
'The Human Centipede' Log Flume
Experience a wet and wild ride in a whole new way! Hold tight to your ride-mates -- actually don't even worry about holding on; you're stuck there and there's no way off of this ride. And to any on-lookers: we advise you stay out of the splash zone... for many reasons.
'Sophie's Choice'
: The RideParents -- choose your favorite child!
'Kramer vs. Kramer'
: The GameKids -- choose your favorite parent!
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