Superheroes. Who needs 'em?
Who do these Boy Scouts think they are with their A-list looks and eight-pack abs? Folks, if you're saving the world on a daily basis and doing it in a leotard, you're overcompensating for something. So let's put all the Hal Jordans, Bruce Waynes and Steve Rogerses on the back burner for a minute and take this time to celebrate the opposite end of the spectrum. Because where would we be without the ones who really keep things interesting, the ones who make these do-gooders look like Adonises, the ones who are so flat-out vile that their cradles were cages? That's right, pretty boys, you've have your moment in the sun -- this one's going out to the villains and all their barf-worthy bad looks.
Hit the jump to see the rest of this hideous lot.
Hector Hammond, 'Green Lantern'
It's bad enough that Ryan Reynolds naturally makes everyone else look like a freakin' bridge troll without the makeup crew getting involved, but poor Peter Sarsgaard got himself the works when he signed on to play Hector Hammond in 'Green Lantern.' It's the giant scrotum on his head, it's the wet, greasy, Charlie Manson locks that he refuses to trim and/or bathe, and as much as he tells himself that rocking a creepy mustache is a surefire way to distract people from staring into his toxic eyeballs, he is sadly, sadly mistaken. From what we've seen so far, this movie is a veritable Woodstock of intergalactic freaks and weirdos in green spandex, so hats off to Sarsgaard for somehow managing to make them all look like the cast of 'Mad Men.'
Two-Face, 'The Dark Knight'
If The Joker hadn't worn his bad looks with so much pride that they came off as nothing short of badass, he would have made this list in a heartbeat. But when it comes to Harvey Dent, there's a dude who knows a thing or two about your all-time crappy days. When he woke up that fateful morning, he was the district attorney of Gotham, he looked like Aaron Eckhart, and his girlfriend wasn't dead. 24 hours later, his girlfriend's a firework, he can't take a drink without half of it going out his cheek, and that left peeper won't stop stinging because his effing eyelid got burned off. Guess the whole D.A. thing doesn't matter so much after that, but at least those pearly whites got spared.
The Penguin, 'Batman Returns'
Speaking of ugly-ass politicians ...
Honestly, the moment he downed a raw salmon in a onesie before biting off someone's nose, some major red flags should have gone up about whether this guy was "mayor material." As great as his given name is, Oswald Cobblepot isn't the kind of candidate who kisses babies, he eats babies with his dagger teeth on a giant rubber ducky in the sewer, and that's just not a platform worth getting behind. The tallest top hat in town couldn't hide that hobo hair, a monocle probably isn't the best option to cover one's pitch-black eyelids, and there ain't a bronzer strong enough to buff out that ghost white flesh. Thank God for those awesome umbrellas.
Yellow Bastard, 'Sin City'
Seriously evil, seriously ugly, but payback sure did hit like a cannon for that Yellow Bastard. When you think about how once there was a happier time when he used to look like Nick Stahl, you almost feel bad that he ended up looking like the end result of Elmer Fudd's one-night stand a highlighter. But then you remember the whole child rapist/murderer thing that he had going for him, and then the whole back-alley vasectomy that Bruce Willis provides him seems pretty darn warranted. Anyway, this jerk is crazy ugly, he's straight out of Springfield Penitentiary, and he also happened to smell like toejam perfume. Nasty fella'.
Because clowns didn't have a bad enough rap already.
It's been a long time since we've seen 'Spawn,' and since we'd like to keep it that way, we're content with the one memory of this demonic douche farting louder than a bullhorn and then magically whipping out his rhino-size, turd-stained tighty whiteys before shoving them in Spawn's meat-like face to ogle at. Yes, that is the only real memory we have of Clown, but it is gross and it's more then enough to land him a place on this list without even considering the face paint, the dental work, the hairdo, and his terribly unfortunate weight problem. A creature as revolting as he was painfully unfunny, poor John Leguizamo was screwed from the start when he signed on for this and there wasn't an actor out there who could have fared better. Although Spawn does get to call him a "fudge-packing midget" at one point, and that is hilarious.
God, that movie sucked.
Edgar, 'Men in Black'
Folks, it's a ten-foot-tall killer cockroach crammed into Vincent D'Onofrio's vacuum-sealed corpse. Lots of stretching going on, lots of crunching too, and while we're sure New Yorkers have seen stranger, the roaches crawling out of his mouth definitely wasn't helping matters. We don't want to know how the roach got into Edgar, nor do we want to know how he got out, but the point is, it was not a good fit. Another great reason not to take on aliens with a shotgun and overalls.
Little Face, 'Dick Tracy'
He's only around for all of five seconds and doesn't do anything particularly villainous other than gamble and exist, but Little Face freaks us out. Since his name only references his head and we only get to see him from the shoulders up, we can only assume that everything else about Little Face is perfectly normal. That ain't right. Aside from those Dumbo ears, how the hell did this guy get a designer suit, and where can we get us one of those sweet, sweet hats? But the real kicker about Little Face is that his mug is actually average size, it's just everything else that's ridiculously big, and we guess that's better than having a normal body with a miniscule face. Who knows the kind of dastardly crap that Little Face did in his past, but this is the one guy we actually feel bad for. And he's a ginger. The playground must have been rough for little Little Face.
Karl Ruprecht Kroenen, 'Hellboy'
The thing about K. R. Kroenen is that when he's rocking the black leather uber-Nazi gear, he's a certified badass. The dual arm-swords, the black mask, the trench coat -- it's a winning look for a ruthless guy. But strip that sucker down to his birthday suit, and there you have yourself one of the gnarliest looking creeps on this list. Like a steampunk remix of Freddy Krueger, as much as we can applaud Kroenen for the bang-up job he did to hide his regrettable appearance, leave it to director Guillermo del Toro to give us a whole new kind of ugly.
Red Skull, 'Captain America: The First Avenger'
If there's anything we've learned today, kids, it's that Nazis weren't lookers. Much like Kroenen, there's no denying that Red Skull is looking mighty cool with those Third Reich duds on, but then again, his head is a red skull. While the transformation from Hugo Weaving to freak of nature was probably a huge upgrade in the intimidation department, we're fairly certain that the Skull's days of picking up chicks at the local discotheque ended the day his nose disappeared and his bone structure exploded. Not the most inspired name for a supervillain, but great for scaring kids right out of their lederhosen.
Oh, Pearl. Had to save the best for last.
We're almost positive that Pearl was male, but regardless of gender and regardless of whether or not you even liked 'Blade,' absolutely everyone remembers the breasts-out, naked, morbidly obese vampire that Wesley Snipes deep fries with a UV flashlight. There's not much else we can say about Pearl that the charming picture above doesn't already scream, but he takes the cake and comes back for fifths.
Honorable Mention: MODOK (Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing)
We can't give him an official spot on the list because he hasn't actually been in a movie yet, but this was the first guy we all thought of when the "ugliest supervillains" conversation first came up and we had to give him some love because he is so, so freaky. Just check out that big-ass head and those tiny, pink limbs. How can you look away? Crossing our fingers that he ends up making a surprise cameo in 'Captain America: The First Avenger,' but either way, something this ugly just has to make it to the big screen sooner or later.
So let's hear it: Who'd we miss, and who do you think is the most butt-ugly comic book movie villain of all-time?