This means, mainly, that we will attempt to insult people who are poorly dressed, because that's what you're supposed to do when commenting on the red carpet, right? Right.
So, without further ado, here's what two dudes think of the so-called best-dressed people on earth.
Me: Ugh, what a terrible dress. Seriously. Who wants to see that? Besides everyone, I mean? Whoever thought of putting a cleavage cam on the red carpet needs to get a raise. Genius idea.
Dude 2: The reason Mila's dress was so intriguing: From a far shot, it looked like her nipples might be partially showing. Lavender nipples.
Me: I like what Jennifer Lawrence is wearing. A lot. It looks like the 'Baywatch' swimsuits. I also like that the camera is pointing down her dress. Great job, cameraman.
Mandy Moore and Hailee Steinfeld
Me: Mandy Moore's dress reminds me of Frodo's Mithril undershirt in 'Lord of the Rings' but with bared shoulders.
Dude 2: Isn't that the same dress as Hailee Steinfeld's?
Me: She looks like a she got a costume from the original 'Star Trek' TV show. She looks stunning -- as in, set phasers to "stun."
Dude 2: It's some kind of Roman tunic, I think.
Me: I like it when they lift and separate the boobs. That tends to make dresses look attractive. Also, great color. I believe it is called red-orange.
Me: Is she wearing a bib under the lacy part? Is that a thing?
Dude 2: Looks like she just woke up. Yeah ... looks like she just hooked up in the limo ride over.
Dude 2: Sharon Stone looks like she dressed up for 'The Black Swan.' Not Natalie Portman -- Winona Rider after she's gone crazy.
Me: She looks like Cruella de Vil.
Me: Did everyone tonight get dressed in the future?
Dude 2: She kind of looks like a Capri Sun. Her head is the straw.
Me: Helen Mirren might be the hottest 65-year-old woman in the history of humanity.
More on the 2011 Oscars
- News: 'King's Speech' Is Big Winner at 2011 Oscars
- Oscar Winners 2011
- Oscars Red Carpet 2011
- Oscars Best Dressed 2011
- Oscars Worst Dressed 2011
- Oscars 2011 Best & Worst Moments
- Why Were the Oscars So Boring?
- 5 Stars Who Would've Been Better Oscar Hosts
- Corey Haim and Peter Graves Left Out of Oscars In Memoriam Segment
- Review: James Franco and Anne Hathaway As Oscar Hosts -- Bring Back David Letterman!