Ricky Gervais may seem like a brash and controversial comedian who loves to pick his teeth with the bones of celebrities, but the truth is Ricky Gervais is a brash and controversial comedian who loves to pick his teeth with the bones of celebrities who also gives a ton to charity. Seriously, despite what his recent, totally un-noteworthy gig hosting the Golden Globes would lead you to believe, Gervais is actually one of the rare celebs out there who freely gives back to those from whom he has profited so much.

Case-in-point, Gervais has gone ahead and written an opening script for James Franco and Anne Hathaway to stick to when they host the Oscars this coming Sunday. They didn't pay him for it; they didn't even ask him for it. No, Ricky has offered his writing services entirely out of the goodness of his black heart. Check out an excerpt after the jump, and head to Gervais's official site for the full script:

JF
You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds "way out" but wait till half way through this f**king ceremony and you'll start to identify with him.

AH
And I'm the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.

JF
It's a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we're not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.

JF
Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!

AH
No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.

JF
Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.

AH
But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London...

(Nervous laughter)

He's doing some charity work.
Yeah, he's visiting orphans with cancer.
He's telling them what bald little losers they are...

JF
Yeah, cos he's rude right?

(Applause)

Thank you.
No rudeness tonight.
It's going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.

(Applause)

Check out the rest of the script right here.
CATEGORIES Oscars, Cinematical