As you've probably heard, NASA has scheduled a news conference this week to discuss a potentially groundbreaking discovery about astrobiology and extra-terrestrial life. And while I'm sure there are many of us hoping they'll be unveiling a picture of little green men, it's probably a pretty safe bet that nothing quite so theatrical will be taking place. In all likelihood, the conference will probably focus on a brand new, convention-defying form of arsenic-based life discovered right here on Earth and how that should redefine what exactly we should be looking for elsewhere in the universe (particularly on Saturn's moon, Titan).
Until NASA actually holds their conference, however, that's all just nerdy speculation, so we figured, hey, why can't we offer up some speculation of our own? We may not have any astrobiologists on staff at Cinematical, but we've got a bunch of nerds who watch a lot of movies. Based on our highly scientific expertise, here's what we're hoping NASA unveils tomorrow about alien life:
Tim Burton got it right.
How great would it be if NASA pulled a sheet off of a big piece of poster board and instead of a blown-up picture of a bunch of microbes we got a full blown look at funny looking little aliens with bulbous space helmets covering their equally bulbous heads? (Don't ask me why they'd have to wear space suits on their home planet, someone else can explain that.) Creepy aliens like in 'Signs' and just plain weird ones like those found in cantinas on Tattooine are cool and all, but it would be a bit of a relief to see the universe populated by 'Mars Attacks'' cute, funny looking green men instead of scary ones.
'Species' got it right.
No cute aliens bouncing around in equally cute space suits? Fine, we'll settle for a sexy one a la Natasha Henstridge in 'Species.' If this newly discovered species of extra-terrestrial hotties could refrain from killing the males of our species, that would be a plus, but homicidal behavior isn't necessarily a deal breaker.
Whatever it is, it can easily be foiled by a computer virus.
We're probably getting ahead of ourselves here considering NASA hasn't even announced the discovery of alien life, yet alone complex alien life that have invented computers, but if the latter is the case, is it too much to ask that they be easily destroyed by a simple computer virus if need be? If 'Independence Day' has taught us anything, it's that A) the computer programming language used by aliens is so easy to learn that a virus can be written for it overnight, and B) We have all got to get us one of these! (Seriously, sweet, easy-to-pilot spaceships would be a cool bonus discovery.)
K-Pax has been discovered.
Fact: 'K-Pax', the 2001 drama starring Kevin Spacey as a patient in a mental hospital convinced he is an alien named Prot from the planet K-Pax, is actually based on a true story. That being the case, it would be good of NASA to have secretly been searching for Prot all this time. Jeff Bridges misses that guy; he thought he was helping Prot discover his true self, but really it was Prot who was helping him!
Whatever they've discovered, let's hope James Cameron can let us look at it in 3-D.*
We all love NASA for putting a man on the moon and keeping an eye on the sky so we don't get cosmically t-boned 'Deep Impact' style, but when it comes to photography they're just too darned old school. Sure, they can take a pretty picture of some nebulae (here's looking at you, Eagle Nebula), but no one wants to look at extra-terrestrial life in 2-D any more. That's so 2008. If you want anyone to take you serious at the box office, NASA, it's 3-D or bust.
*This entry sponsored by RealD. (Not really)