A lot of trailers really put forth some solid effort this week, so nobody should feel bad for going home with a trophy. These are the winners of the arbitrary and capricious Weekly Trailer Awards, which are voted on by me and given out by me in a special ceremony every Friday attended by me. And now, on with the show!
Most Logical Use of a Robot: 'Gulliver's Travels' (in theaters Dec. 22). To his dying day, Jonathan Swift regretted not including in his 1726 novel a Transformer who gives Gulliver a wedgie. His version was tragically lacking in iPhone product placement, too, which the author immediately recognized. Now, at last, Swift's vision will be complete, and his tormented soul can stop haunting Jack Black's house.
Most Inspiring Trailer: 'Sucker Punch' (in theaters March 25). A hot chick is locked in a hot-chicks-only mental hospital, with no hope of escape. But then she realizes all she needs to break free is her imagination! Her imagination gets very graphic. Somehow there's a dragon, too. This is all very good news for people who have spent their lives wrapped up in role-playing games. Turns out you weren't wasting your time like everyone said. You were practicing for if you're ever wrongfully imprisoned in an asylum.
Most Unsubstantiated Assertion: 'Yogi Bear' (in theaters Dec. 17), in which the title character avers that he is "smarter than the average bear." Even if we take for granted that being capable of human speech makes Yogi "smarter" than most of his contemporaries, that still doesn't necessarily put him ahead of Boo-Boo, or any other bears who happen to speak English. And it may well be that bears who are lacking in language skills are perfectly intelligent otherwise -- even more so than Yogi, perhaps, whose preference for human food over his natural diet is unhealthy at best, deeply ill-advised and self-destructive at worst. No, I do not think we can declare with any certainty that Yogi is "smarter than the average bear," not until educators have devised some sort of standardized test. (Also: Justin Timberlake? Really?)
Least Entertaining Trailer: 'Rabbit Hole' (in theaters Dec. 17). Wow, this comedy about a married couple coping with grief after the death of their young son does not look funny at all. I hate to see what the video game looks like.
Best Fake Trailer: 'Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.' This parody of formulaic Hollywood crap is hilariously dead-on. A guy dresses up like an obese woman and goes undercover at a sorority, where there is ample opportunity for double entendre and jokes about crushed genitalia (two jokes in one trailer!). They went all out on this fake preview for the fake movie, going so far as to get Martin Lawrence to participate. So funny. Just be glad this isn't a real trailer for a real movie!