CATEGORIES Movies, Cinematical


The beauty of being a writer on the film beat (besides being beautiful, which obviously comes with the territory) is that when you wake up in the morning you can never be sure what it is that you'll be writing about that day. It could be some more non-news regarding 'The Hobbit' or word of the next project Spielberg is circling. Or you could be writing about 'Blubberella," writer / director / doctor Uwe Boll's new and unfortunately titled action film, which presumably chronicles the violent adventures of its full-figured namesake.

Details are scant at the moment, but if the epoch-defining poster (check it out after the jump, via Twitch) is any indication (and it probably is), then 'Blubberella' tells the story of an overweight woman whose footsteps cause explosions and whose dual swords are used to mercilessly stab all the people who call her "Blubberella." The third film that the prolific Boll is slated to direct this year -- and the impossibly perfect follow-up to his controversial film 'Auschwitz' -- 'Blubberella's tagline provides the only hard information we have on the movie film cinematic event at this point. It reads, "The first female fat superhero... She will kick major ass -- with her major ass! All the 'Bloodrayne' fans will love this movie!" Hollywood -- as everyone knows -- has of course been at the mercy of 'Bloodrayne' fans for years, and if a new movie gets that legendary demographic to flock to theaters, its success is all but guaranteed.

The titular heroine will be played by Lindsay Hollister, an actress who has worked with Boll before (she survived 'Postal'), and even Boll understands the value of someone who's willing to work with him more than once. Hollister -- to her credit -- is a successful actress in her own right, and has appeared in such films as 'Get Smart' and 'A Cinderella Story,' as well as a number of prominent TV shows.

With 'Blubberella,' Hollister could become an empowering icon for larger ladies everywhere. Or -- if Boll handles this thing with his usual grace and aplomb -- 'Blubberella' might be the worst thing to happen to fat people since Southwest Airlines. Only time will tell. But the movie is called 'Blubberella,' so, um... that's probably not a very good sign.

Will Boll's film actually be a step forward for well-rounded portrayals of real women on film? Will the mad director land Yuen Woo-Ping to choreograph the action scenes? Are there even enough 'Bloodrayne' fans out there to form a "flock?" Your thoughts, as always, are needed to solve these mysteries.