We live in a crazy world, folks. A crazy world spinning through a crazy solar system in a crazy galaxy in a crazy universe. And then, just when you think you've got this "existence" thing figured out, the crazy arrives, breaks your glasses, steals your lunch money and pushes you in a puddle of mud.

Case in point: doing brain exercises may may actually accelerate mental decline. If you think you're going to nip that dementia thing in the bud by playing chess and doing crosswords and breaking out Brain Age 2 every morning, you're in for a tragic wake-up call. You see, keeping your mind sharp has the side effect of hiding symptoms of brain deterioration until it's too late to do anything about it. In a sense, you're so busy protecting you brain that you don't notice its decline.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "C'mon, that only one crazy, bizarro, mirror universe thing going on in the world right now...everything else is completely and perfectly normal."

You would be wrong, my friend.
How about scientists discovering a new microbe in the Gulf of Mexico that sustains its existence by eating oil? Yes, oil. The same stuff that's been killing everything else in the Gulf. And these little f*ckers are slurping that stuff up like ice cream.

How about hallucinatory mushrooms as a medically-endorsed cure for anxiety
? Screw shrinks, forget about Prozac and don't waste your money on a road trip of self-discovery that will lead to you finding yourself in the American southwest. All you need is a doctor who's feeling a little experimental and a plastic baggie filled with shrooms and you're on the road to not worrying about global warming and the war on terror and the oil in the gulf and the fact that the daily Jumble game is wrecking your brain.

Now, not all of this "Ironic Universe" stuff is bad. Oh, no. On a rare occasion, there is a tiny sliver of evidence that we're not doomed. Take a look at the San Francisco-based Alphabet Energy, a company that plans to provide cheap, efficient and safe energy by using waste heat from other factory's heat waste. What's that? A good idea from an energy company? And if that shocks you, hold onto your metaphorical hat: Australia may have a plan to become completely reliant on 100% renewable energy within the next decade.

It almost makes you want to have faith in humanity...and then you remember that we used to eat baby brains on a regular basis and remember we deserve whatever we've got coming.

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CATEGORIES Features, Sci-Fi