According to a report from PC World, the security gurus over at McAfee have determined that of all celebrity names typed into Google, Cameron Diaz is the one most likely to infect your computer with malicious viruses. Approximately 10% of all searches for the My Sister's Keeper star land internet surfers on sites riddled with nasty code, and the risk rises dramatically whenever you add the words "naked," "nude," or "hot mangled foot in The Box." After spending the morning exploring all 5,650,000 hits that turn up after Googling Ms. Diaz's name (it's all in the name of journalism, folks), I've isolated the deadliest of them all. Click at your own peril. Or you could save yourself the trouble and I could just tell you that it's a link to the IMDb page for that movie The Sweetest Thing. Get it? Because that movie is terrible? Hilarious, I know. But seriously, I saw that movie with my grandparents and now they're dead. Now, I'm not suggesting that The Sweetest Thing killed my grandparents, but ... yes, that's exactly what I'm suggesting.
Diaz, of course, is not the only celebrity whose name is linked to a number of sites with untoward intentions. McAfee -- as they're perennially accustomed -- have provided the complete top ten list of stars who are most likely to put your computer at risk as you use the web -- the assimilated networks of all human knowledge and accomplishment, past and present -- to find blurry pictures of their nipples. So follow the jump to see who you should consider Googling only from the iMac tucked away in the darkest corner of your local Apple Store.
10. Anna Paquin
People like their True Blood. Although a really great way to see Anna Paquin naked without putting your hard drive at risk is, um, watching True Blood. But if Anna Paquin is really what gets you going, you don't have HBO, and don't want to jeopardize your beautiful new Macbook Pro, you're a lot safer just Googling "ducks behaving badly."
9. Heidi Klum & Penelope Cruz
Penelope Cruz really has a way of killing the snark. She's just ... so lovely. And she also tends to make consistently decent career choices. I kind of want to Google her, now. No harm in that, right?
8. Tom Cruise
Apparently Googling "Knight & Day" will just instantly make your computer explode. Which is sad, as it really was a fun flick.
7. Jennifer Love Hewitt & Nicole Kidman
The PC World article jests that there aren't any pictures of these two actresses together, but the other day I saw this movie called The Shawshank Redemption, and it was all about not giving up hope. And that was a smart movie. Searching for these actresses individually is akin to throwing your computer off a highway overpass, but Google Imaging them together in quotes is as safe as can be, and I will continue doing so every morning until the first pics that come up don't for some reason include George Carlin, Tim Russert, and a young boy with a great haircut.
6. Adriana Lima
I had never heard of this person, so I Googled her. That was 6 hard drives ago (I'm writing this article from the Genius Bar).
5. Brad Pitt
Yup, Joe Black himself. He used to rule this list way back in 2008. But after starring in a string of films like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Inglourious Basterds, and Terrence Malick's (!) forthcoming Tree of Life, I think even hackers could agree that this guy makes Hollywood a better place and deserves to be left alone.
4. Gisele Bundchen
Googling football-related topics can be dangerous, so Google hockey wives instead. Sure, you're then bombarded by pictures of Hilary Duff instead of Gisele Bundchen, but at least your computer will be safer, and that ... is something.
3. Jessica Biel
Jessica Biel is so popular that typos alone put Jennifer Beals at number 11 on this list. Also, illegally streaming classic episodes of 7th Heaven is worth the risk -- there's no virus out there that a little Camden family tough love can't fix. But for those who'd rather ogle Jessica Biel without jeopardizing their hardware and all of the sensitive documents contained therein, that old issue of Gear Magazine that got Biel fired from 7th Heaven is currently going for around $40 on Ebay. Used. And if you really were looking for Jennifer Beals, just click here and save yourself the trouble.
2. Julia Roberts
Eat. Pray. Fatal Error.
(Hold for laughter).
1. Cameron Diaz
And we've come full circle -- what a journey it's been. Now if you'll excuse me I've gotta go buy a new laptop, as finding pictures for this post absolutely devastated my computer.