In honor of Friday's release of The Expendables, we're taking a week-long look at the action films of Sir Sylvester Stallone -- which is to say we're skipping his comedies. Out of respect.
Setting: Thailand and Burma
Our hero: John Rambo -- just like the title says.
Our villain/s: The Burmese Tatmadaw in general, Major Pa Tee Tint in particular.
The stakes: Life or death. If Rambo can't save the missionaries, they're as good as dead.
How long until our first confrontation? It comes early on in the film, when Rambo guns down pirates who want to kidnap Julie Benz.
Line of dialogue that nails it: Rambo: "F*ck the world."
Coolest display of might: Rambo lops a dude's head off with a machete, then blasts the crap out of everything with a huge Jeep-mounted machine gun.
Oddest lack of consistency: You're kidding, right? This could be Stallone's greatest hour as an actor. He hunts snakes. He hates the world. Julie Benz thaws his cold heart. He kills hundreds of people. It's consistently awesome.
Moral of the story: If you aren't bringing weapons, you aren't changing anything.
Stallone Action Scale: 9.5 out of 10. Rambo has the highest body count in the series and Stallone is a lot like Jason Voorhees in this one -- and unfortunately for them, the Tatmadaw are playing the part of promiscuous teenagers at summer camp. It's kinda like Friday the 13th with automatic weapons and no final girl.