Justin BieberWhat rough beast slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? Why, it's a biography of tween heartthrob Justin Bieber. That's right, that Canadian dreamboat who was born in 1994 and isn't even old enough to buy cigarettes? His life story is begging to be told, and soon all your Bieb-tastic questions will be answered ... IN THREE DIMENSIONS. According to Deadline, Paramount Studios will distribute, and Def Jam's L.A. Reid and the Bieb's manager Scooter Braun will produce.

In case your brain hasn't exploded yet, Oscar-winning director Davis Guggenheim is in talks to direct. Guggenheim won his Oscar for the documentary An Inconvenient Truth, which starred Al Gore. Another upcoming doc of his, Waiting for "Superman", is about the public school system and education reform. And then there's Bieber. (Sorry, I can't stop saying/thinking/typing it.)

JB will be playing himself, natch, and the film will also feature performances from his concerts. It's slated for the weekend before Valentine's Day. If you are dating someone who would make you see this with him/her, please break up with them now.

In other Bieber news, the teen is writing a memoir. According to Reuters, "The 16 year-old pop singer has signed a deal with HarperCollins to publish an illustrated memoir titled Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story." It will have lots of pictures.

For a palate cleanser, have a little Funny or Die action from last April Fool's when Bieber "took over the site," and give the kid some credit for being a sport.

(Image courtesy of PETA. Yes, PETA.)