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Robert Rodriguez is a filmmaker who regards his audience with particular fondness. So instead of bringing his September exploitation-action pic Machete to boring old Hall H, Rodriguez set up shop on a corner in downtown San Diego to throw a Comic-Con street party for anyone who wanted to come!
Thursday night's Machete party drew a crowd that lined up down the block hours early for the chance to see footage and scarf complimentary tacos from the Machete-themed taco truck (which Rodriguez and stars Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez had manned earlier in the day). Meanwhile, go-go dancers gyrated blithely to a mix of hip-hop, soul, and mariachi music while attendees admired a row of lowriders and classic cars. The drink specials? Tecate and margaritas, naturally.
With a nod to those who couldn't get in -- the folks still stuck behind the "border gates" -- Rodriguez and his two stars unveiled seven awesomely NSFW minutes of Machete, projected onto a building wall so large even fans outside the party boundaries could catch a glimpse.
Michelle Rodriguez's character can be seen as a particularly bad-ass looking femme fatale dressed in black leather and an eye patch on various promotional images. But the first scene Rodriguez showed depicted her character long before her turn towards the dark and deadly.
A beat-up Machete lies in Luz's (Michelle Rodriguez) bedroom, and asks, "Are you She?" Luz, in a tank and jean cut-offs, answers: "If I were, would I be operating a taco truck?" [Aha! So the tacos aren't just delicious, they're thematic!]
Luz explains that "She" is a myth made up to bolster an organization called "The Network," but soon enough their talking turns to other matters. She slaps his hand away with a sultry "Don't start what you can't finish," and bow-chicka-wow-wow music begins to play as she jumps atop him and the scene fades to...
Danny Trejo in bed... with Jessica Alba! Alba's Sartana snuggles up to a sleeping Machete, impressed at what a gentleman he is, when he wakes up, Spidey senses tingling. He shoves her off the bed and goes for his gun just as masked men crash through the glass window and attack. While Machete shoots and fights, Sartana joins in and stabs a guy in the gut before finding her own makeshift deadly weapons of choice: a pair of blood-red pumps. Stiletto meets skull as Alba impales a bad guy in the brain with her lady shoe. If you didn't know what kind of movie this was before, you do now.
Elsewhere, Robert De Niro watches a television report as his right hand man, Jeff Fahey at his shadiest, feeds his paranoia that Machete is coming after him. Sample De Niro line: "This cucaracha has AK-47s and he's laying waste to everything in his path!"
Last but not least, Machete finds himself in a hospital, where a bunch of nurses alert him that Bad Guys are looking for him. He takes a nurse's uniform sash, a bunch of surgical saws, and a tank of gas and MacGyvers himself weapons, sneaks up on the bad guys, and proceeds to slash his way through each and every one of their tender, fleshy bodies in squishy fashion. And then comes the coup de grace: Machete slits open a bad guy's stomach, grabs the guy's intestines, and jumps out a window using the intestines as a rope. AND THEN HE JUMPS OUT OF ANOTHER WINDOW , JUST BECAUSE!
And that, my friends, is why we all know what we'll be doing come September 3.
Click below for our exclusive gallery from the Machete party at Comic-Con, where the ubiquitous J.J. Abrams (who is EVERYWHERE at Comic-Con this year) put in an appearance and posed for what's kind of the best Comic-Con picture EVER.