Of all the impossible remakes that we've proposed so far in The Remake Game, I think we can all agree that this would be the least likely of the bunch - a live-action remake of 1995's animated milestone, Toy Story. Granted, it's been fifteen years, and the big bad movie-makin' machine didn't even wait fifteen months before getting to work on another version of Death at a Funeral (I'd struggle to consider either one a classic, though).

Seeing as we're working with a non-existent project, I think it's fair to cheat a bit and include a few of our favorites from Toy Story 2 while we're at it. Seeing as it just came out four days ago, we're not going to rope in the new characters of Toy Story 3 just yet.

And so, in the Hollywood version (surely pitched as being in the vein of Night at the Museum), we could picture:

  • Bradley Cooper as rootin'-tootin' cowboy Woody
  • Jon Hamm as all-American astronaut Buzz Lightyear (The A-Team reunion!)
  • Renee Zellweger as Woody's love interest, Bo Peep (Case 39 reunion!)
  • Vince Vaughn as resident skeptic Mr. Potato Head
  • Justin Long as the perpetually sarcastic Hamm (Dodgeball reunion!)
  • George Lopez as Woody's best friend, Slinky (either him or Chris Rock - today's family films require one character of distinct, often stereotypical ethnicity)
  • Paul Dano as panicky pal Rex
  • Stephen Lang as troop leader Sarge
  • Anne Hathaway as Woody's original sidekick, Jessie
  • Jeff Bridges as treacherous Stinky Pete (just use his Iron Man performance)
  • and Kevin James as the namesake for Al's Toy Barn, Al


But in my ideal version (possibly angled as a kid-friendly District 9 of sorts), we'd be talking about:

  • either Timothy Olyphant or Josh Lucas as Woody (and you all thought I was going to say Shea Whigham, huh?)
  • Stephen Colbert as Buzz (or, barring that, the underestimated comedic chops of Matt Damon)
  • Anna Faris as Bo Peep
  • Stanley Tucci as Mr. Potato Head (guy can rock a 'stache)
  • Jason Bateman as Hamm
  • Jack McBrayer as Slinky
  • Steve Carell as Rex
  • Henry Rollins as Sarge
  • Emma Stone as Jessie
  • Kurt Russell as Stinky Pete
  • and Al would be Edward Norton at his slimiest (although it'd be hard for anyone to top Wayne Knight)

Now, it's time for you guys and girls to run with it. Pitch us your ideal picks for:

  • Woody (voiced by Tom Hanks),
  • Buzz (voiced by Tim Allen),
  • Bo Peep (voiced by Annie Potts),
  • Mr. Potato Head (voiced by Don Rickles),
  • Hamm (voiced by John Ratzenberger),
  • Slinky (voiced by Jim Varney),
  • Rex (voiced by Wallace Shawn),
  • Sarge (voiced by R. Lee Ermey),
  • Jessie (voiced by Joan Cusack),
  • Stinky Pete (voiced by Kelsey Grammer),
  • and Al (voiced by Wayne Knight).

Hurry now, before somebody poisons the remake hole.