Seeing as I'm the second youngest writer on the Cinematical staff, it seems premature for me to already be in full-on "Get off my lawn!" mode, but what in the hell is going on over at the Teen Choice Awards? I certainly realize that this particular batch of awards, which will be airing this August 9th on Fox, are at least as arbitrary, if not more so, than the MTV Movie Awards, so I've got one foot propped on a soapbox for no big reason, but I really do want to know what is going through the mind of whoever it is that runs that show. How does Kick-Ass get nominated for "Choice Movie: Action Adventure", "Choice Movie Actor" and "Choice Movie Villain"?

I'm not stupid. I know that teenagers see movies above their age rating all of the time. I snuck into plenty of R-rated movies before I realized that I could just buy tickets to them because the fellow teens running the box office didn't care. So I'm not surprised that teenagers would love a movie as vulgar and as violent as Kick-Ass. I am surprised, however, that no one involved with the Teen Choice Awards thought, "You know what? Maybe we shouldn't encourage 14 year-olds to go see R-rated movies."

Matthew Vaughn's film isn't the only R-rated film in this year's list of nominees, of course. It's joined by The Book of Eli, District 9, Repo Men, The Hurt Locker, The Runaways, Get Him to the Greek, Hot Tub Time Machine, She's Out of My League, Zombieland, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Paranormal Activity, Shutter Island, Sorority Row, Jennifer's Body and Splice. And this is hardly a new occurrence, either, as the very first TCAs, dating allllll the way back to 1999, featured nods for There's Something About Mary, Cruel Intentions, Slums of Beverly Hills and a whole lot more of age-inappropriate films, but for some reason this year's crop is the first that caused me to do a double take.

Kick-Ass may have been the initial title on the list that caused my brain to stutter, but I think the inclusion of Splice maybe an even bigger shock. I won't say why in case you haven't seen the film, but if you have seen it, I think you know exactly why I don't think it belongs in an awards show that will feature performances by the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. But getting back to Vaughn's film...one would think a nice little ground rule that an awards show for teens and their families could follow would be, "If it features a little girl blowing the brains out of dozens of adult men, let's just not nominate it." Or, if that's too much of a gray area for, let's make it real simple: "No film that features the C-word is eligible for nomination." Is that really too unreasonable?

I'm not blaming Kick-Ass, either. This reaction is not me seeing the Roger Ebert light and agreeing that the film is "morally reprehensible", but I do certainly think it is not for teenagers. If you're a parent and you want to let your 15-year old see, that's fine with me; it's you're kid, just make sure they keep their trap shut and their phone dark in the theater. But if you're a television network that airs in prime time, are you really going to just let a film as deliriously violent as Kick-Ass/A Nightmare on Elm Street/The Book of Eli or as decadently vulgar as Hot Tub Time Machine/Get Him to the Greek/Splice onto your ballot without a second thought? I know it's supposed to be a process wherein the teens vote for the nominees and the winners, but you can't just give teens carte blanche when it comes to making decisions.

I know TCA's have been full of TNA and brain splatters for years, but they really need to either change their demographic or move to basic cable lest in another few years we'll be seeing the stars of Caligula 3D walking away with a surfboard for Choice Orgy.



Here's the full list of nominees:

Choice Movie: Action Adventure
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Kick-Ass
Robin Hood
Sherlock Holmes
The Losers


Choice Movie Actor: Action Adventure
Nicolas Cage, Kick-Ass
Russell Crowe, Robin Hood
Matt Damon, Green Zone
Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes
Channing Tatum, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Choice Movie Actress: Action Adventure
Cate Blanchett, Robin Hood
Mila Kunis, The Book of Eli
Rachel McAdams, Sherlock Holmes
Sienna Miller, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Zoe Saldana, The Losers

Choice Movie: Sci-Fi
2012
Avatar
District 9
Iron Man 2
The Time Traveler's Wife


Choice Movie Actor: Sci-Fi
Sharlto Copley, District 9
John Cusack, 2012
Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man 2
Jude Law, Repo Men
Sam Worthington, Avatar

Choice Movie Actress: Sci-Fi
Scarlett Johansson, Iron Man 2
Rachel McAdams, The Time Traveler's Wife
Gwyneth Paltrow, Iron Man 2
Amanda Peet, 2010
Zoe Saldana, Avatar

Choice Movie: Fantasy
Alice in Wonderland
Clash of the Titans
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
The Twilight Saga: New Moon


Choice Movie Actor: Fantasy
Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland
Jake Gyllenhaal, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Sam Worthington, Clash of the Titans

Choice Movie Actress: Fantasy
Gemma Arterton, Clash of the Titans / Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Rosario Dawson, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Mia Wasikowska, Alice in Wonderland
Emma Watson, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Choice Movie: Drama
The Blind Side
Dear John
The Last Song
Remember Me
The Runaways


Choice Movie Actor: Drama
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brothers
Tobey Maguire, Brothers
Robert Pattinson, Remember Me
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker
Channing Tatum, Dear John

Choice Movie Actress: Drama
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Miley Cyrus, The Last Song
Dakota Fanning, The Runaways
Amanda Seyfried, Dear John
Kristen Stewart, The Runaways

Choice Movie: Romantic Comedy
The Back-up Plan
Just Wright
Letters to Juliet
The Proposal
Valentine's Day


Choice Movie Actor: Romantic Comedy
Gerard Butler, The Ugly Truth / The Bounty Hunter
Josh Duhamel, When in Rome
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, (500) Days of Summer
Ashton Kutcher, Valentine's Day
Ryan Reynolds, The Proposal

Choice Movie Actress: Romantic Comedy
Kristen Bell, When in Rome
Sandra Bullock, The Proposal
Queen Latifah, Valentine's Day / Just Wright
Jennifer Lopez, The Back-up Plan
Amanda Seyfried, Letters to Juliet

Choice Movie: Comedy
Date Night
Get Him to the Greek
Hot Tub Time Machine
Killers
She's Out of My League


Choice Movie Actor: Comedy
Russell Brand, Get Him to the Greek
Steve Carell, Date Night
Jonah Hill, Get Him to the Greek
Ashton Kutcher, Killers
Chris Rock, Death at a Funeral

Choice Movie Actress: Comedy
Kristen Bell, Couples Retreat
Lizzy Caplan, Hot Tub Time Machine
Tina Fey, Date Night
Zoe Saldana, Death at a Funeral
Emma Stone, Zombieland

Choice Movie: Horror/Thriller
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Paranormal Activity
Shutter Island
Splice
The Stepfather


Choice Movie Actor: Horror/Thriller
Penn Badgley, The Stepfather
Adam Brody, Jennifer's Body
Leonardo DiCaprio, Shutter Island
Jackie Earle Haley, A Nightmare on Elm Street
Micah Sloat, Paranormal Activity

Choice Movie Actress: Horror/Thriller
Katie Cassidy, A Nightmare on Elm Street
Megan Fox, Jennifer's Body
Audrina Patridge, Sorority Row
Michelle Williams, Shutter Island
Rumer Willis, Sorority Row

Choice Movie: Animated
How to Train Your Dragon
Marmaduke
The Princess and the Frog
Shrek Forever After
Toy Story 3


Choice Movie: Villain
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Stephen Lang, Avatar
Rachelle Lefevre, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Kick-Ass
Mickey Rourke, Iron Man 2

Choice Movie: Dance
Sandra Bullock and Betty White, The Proposal
Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, The Last Song
Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man 2
Tina Fey and Steve Carell, Date Night
Michael Jackson, This Is It