Last Thursday marked the opening of another big ol' summer sequel -- Sex and the City 2 -- and the girls are already causing quite a stir for heading to Abu Dhabi and throwing cultural caution to the wind there. With that in mind, we suggest seven more ideal vacation destinations for Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha to consider for future misadventures.
A sweltering heat wave in Manhattan makes a long, slow cruise to Alaska sound like just the thing for our four lovely ladies, not to mention the perfect excuse to bust out some chic parkas. Carrie works on a piece about Inuit ideals of romance, causing her to wonder, if only for a moment, if she would love Big just as much were they do live in an igloo, stripped of all material surroundings and creature comforts. (She quickly comes to her senses.) Miranda wishes her husband, Steve, were a bit more outdoorsy. Samantha takes up with a young stud named Levi. Charlotte gets her bare ass frozen to some ice; somebody cracks a joke like, "Most icebreakers come at the beginning, not at the end," and everybody pretty much laughs at her expense.
Carrie's assigned to cover all the latest fashions in Milan, so naturally, everyone comes along and they take their sweet time getting there. They start near Pompeii -- somebody makes a pun about big eruptions (probably Samantha) -- before heading to Rome. Miranda wishes she could cook, and in turn spend more time at home; she's really such a terrible mother. Charlotte doesn't complain about her kids too much for a change, but she does sit down in some chocolate gelato while wearing something white and designer-y; everybody laughs at her for this mishap. Before they can leave for Venice, they have to track down Samantha, who managed to break half of the vows in Vatican City while everybody else was checking out fountains.
Called out at a fundraiser for not really caring about Darfur when she fumbles her facts, Miranda hastily decides that an African safari would be the best means by which to prove her compassion. Carrie agrees to research native mating rituals, but is soon distracted by a chance encounter with old flamer Jack Berger. They hug, and she spends the rest of the trip wondering how that one hug might demolish her entire relationship to Mr. Big. Charlotte wonders if she can't just adopt one more kid to round things out back home; Miranda helps her out with a legal snafu when she attempts to adopt a child already promised to (well, I guess it's not a spoiler anymore) Sandra Bullock. One of the cougars literally sleeps with a lion; don't ask me who or how. (Okay, it's Samantha.) Nobody learns a thing about the situation in Darfur.
One of Samantha's clients has a movie to promote at the Cannes Film Festival, so everyone tags along. Carrie covers it for Vogue; the other two don't really need an excuse. After being mistaken for a reclusive starlet, Miranda wonders what would have come of her acting career had she pursued it instead of law. While heading up the red carpet in front of the Palais, Charlotte trips on the steps before an international audience. They laugh at her in several languages. Midway through the premiere, Samantha gets bored and hooks up with Lars von Trier in a bathroom stall; the encounter will cause him enough trauma to fuel his next five films.
Miranda decides to visit a long-lost relative or something, or Carrie does some story about the Opera House. I don't know, they just haven't been to Australia and so they go there, okay? Samantha bolts for the beach, reporting back that there's no shrimp on these barbies or something equally tacky. Charlotte brings along both her adopted child and her infant. One's devoured by a great white shark while they work on their tans; the other is eaten by a dingo. As you can imagine, the reactions are less sympathetic than expected; out of desperation, Charlotte then smuggles an Aboriginal child back with her on the fifteen-hour flight.
In twenty years' time, Carrie decides that she and Mr. Big could stand to get away from it all (especially pesky gravity; not great for the bones), so she surprises him with a space station timeshare. There's a catch, of course -- they're sharing it with the other girls. Frustrated by this, Big returns to Earth while the girls head to Mars, eager to give him his space (no pun intended, actually). Miranda's mistaken for a native due to her red hair; flattered by the attention, she decides to go along with it until she discovers that Martians are actually persecuted against up there. She decides that her efforts need to be focused on equal rights for all species; Carrie, Charlotte and Samantha couldn't care less. After seeing the Earth rise, Carrie decides to head back home, because she loves her husband and misses her shoes (space boots are too retro for her tastes). Samantha takes off after a reportedly well-endowed space case named Dr. Manhattan, and Charlotte, left to her own devices, runs out of his oxygen somewhere around the Borealis basin. The universe laughs at her.
You know the one place that the girls said they'd never get caught dead in? Well...