It's not even really hot yet. Yesterday was 92, which is more than manageable for a spoiled wuss like me -- when the air conditioner is working. Unfortunately, mine is not. I can't get the damn thing fixed until Saturday (and it's a holiday weekend so I'm grateful for that, I suppose), and I'm stuck here all humid and irritated. Plus my damn cat thinks warm weather means "I sleep on you," fur and all. I even went as far as putting on John Carpenter's The Thing, just to bask in its lovely frigidity, and that made me think of the opposite! For example, Five Flicks to Avoid When Your #$@!*ing Air Conditioner is Broken. (How's that for a set-up?)

1. Do the Right Thing -- I haven't seen Spike Lee's masterpiece (yeah, I said it) in quite some time, but to this day I can still remember how the director was able to deliver a palpable sense of sweaty, sticky, nasty mega-heat. It only adds to the tension of the tale, of course, but the weather almost plays a specific character in this flick. A villainous character. Also, there's sex in this movie. I try not to think about sex when I have no air conditioning.

2. Sunshine -- You want hot? Hop on board the Icarus 2 (not a smart name for a spaceship) and head on up to the sun. Why? Oh, so the world's most laconic scientist can kick-start the massive fireball from a nuclear payload heretofore unimagined in the annals of speculative science fiction. Seriously, if you watch this (rather entertaining) sci-fi / horror film on blu-ray, you can actually get a suntan from Act III. (Cinematical does not actually endorse this behavior.) Also, Robin Tunney = hot. (Wrong! Robin Tunney was in Supernova; Rose Byrne was in Sunshine. Duh, me.)

3. Predator -- Don't you hate it when you and your mercenary friends are left for dead in the jungle and you're being stalked by an interstellar lunatic who wants to blow huge holes in your gut and mount your spine as a trophy? If that's not bad enough ... ugh, the humidity! Between Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Rowdy Roddy Piper Jesse Ventura, and that poor guy in the Predator suit, they probably went through more deodorant than this guy:



4. Lawrence of Arabia -- This movie has more sand than the collective butt-cracks of Atlantic City. Oh yeah, it's pretty, and that O'Toole guy is OK I guess, but if you sit down with this film, I recommend a huge pitcher of lemonade, one of those nifty ceiling fans set on mega-spin, and a fully-charged handheld vacuum cleaner to suck up all the sand that falls out of your television speakers. (See also: Ishtar) (Better yet: don't.)

5. Star Wars
(pictured above) -- Two suns! What the...? I could never handle that. Is this flick any good? I'm not big on war movies, regardless of stars.

Bonus pick:

Heat -- C'mon. It has "heat" right there in the title.