We live in a massive universe filled to its infinite brim with things that can destroy us. Sometimes we like to think our biggest problems are strictly "homegrown," so to speak. You know, things like the frequency of earthquakes steadily increasing or a massive volcanic eruption turning all of Britain into a no-fly zone.

But let's not forget that our little speck of green and blue is but a microscopic dot in an infinite void. A void that takes no prisoners. Just when you think you've got this whole life thing figured out, you hear about the biggest recorded explosion in the history of the known universe. A "super-supernova" of a giant star that created its own anti-matter and became a gigantic particle accelerator. How big, you ask? 4 megayottagrams. And how big is that? 400,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. That's 32 zeroes, there.

There's also the matter of the comet McNaught, which was discovered in 2007 but has recently been measured. It's the biggest comet measured to date. No word on whether or not it's heading straight for Earth. My guess is yes. After all, our planet seems to be a magnet for stuff from outer space that only wants to kill us all.

We don't have the time to worry about threats from space! We've got global warming and earthquakes and terrorism and biological warfare to worry about! With all of these threats bearing down on us, we've got to look to NASA to save our sorry butts from complete and total annihilation. Thankfully, President Obama has realized what threats lurk among the stars and has thrown his support behind returning to space. They've even got a fresh and shiny check for six billion bucks to prepare Mars-bound rocket.

Baby steps. Only baby steps. Even if we survive an asteroid/comet related catastrophe, we still have aliens to worry about. And they're out there. Watching. Waiting. Sending out mysterious radio signals that only baffle our brightest scientists. In fact, one New York-based professor thinks that UFO studies should be a serious field of study with its own college curriculum. It may sound silly to the non-believers out there, but when some vicious raygun-toting extra-terrestrials land and decide to take no prisoners, we need someone to come to our rescue.

Hell, they've even planning to bring one thousand video game cliches to life by putting Marines into space. Real Space Marines. Never thought I'd see the day. Of course, these tough soldiers will have to deal with the robots who will accompany them on missions, because surely they'll go haywire and kill-crazy.

As one of the great space marines of all time once said, "Game over, man! Game over!"

Previous Entry