Let's face it: April Fool's jokes are lame. For the first couple hours, you're hit with all these fantastical headlines full of stories you may have wished for during your last acid trip at a Blockbuster video. You click in, absorbing the text -- re-tweeting it like crazy to your friends before realizing -- d'oh! -- you've been had. (If only you'd looked at the calendar.) J.J. Abrams really isn't making the Cloverfield monster the villain in the next Star Trek movie. It sucks; your Twitter followers will think you're kind of an idiot, and you'll feel ashamed for maybe getting excited at the possibility of John Cho hanging from the Cloverfield monster's neck, swinging through the air while another character yells from the distance, "Hold on! He has to have a weak spot!"
We here at Cinematical want our readers to know that you're our weak spot. We don't want to waste your time trying to be funny or insightful or snarky-smart; we just want you to know that we value your attention and think it would be a shame wasting it on some dumb fake news story. We're also urging other movie websites to follow along and end this stupid annual tradition once and for all. This isn't fun. We're not funny. Let's stop lying to people; it's not right. Would Mad Magazine run an April Fool's Day joke? I rest my case.
We're better than that ... so let's prove it. Seriously, sign our petition!