Some days movie news is so slow you wish you could just make it up. Today is not one of those days. Reality star Heidi Montag (I use the word reality quite loosely here) really does want to make a movie, in 3D mind you, where her fake breasts defeat a shark. I'm positive that's all the information you require to know whether or not this hypothetical movie is something you'd be interested in, but a little back story can't hurt. And trust me, it gets even better.

MTV canceled The Hills the other day, which in turn liberated Montag's already relatively free schedule to follow her life-long dream. (No, not becoming a pop princess, that was so 2007.) She wants to use her real fake parts to become a real serious actress. Her Funny or Die video spoofing her obsession with plastic surgery, directed by Ron Howard, of all people, and a role in the upcoming Adam Sandler comedy Just Go With It have stricken her with inspiration. And what do most in Hollywood do when stricken with inspiration? They write.

Yes, Heidi Montag actually wrote the untitled screenplay in question (I told you it got better). She tells People's PopWatch, "I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs. I've even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!"

Your move, Syfy channel.