Well, it was the 67th annual 'We Are So Great, Rich and Famous, We Should Receive More Recognition'... er ... I mean, The Golden Globe Awards last night at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles. The Golden Globes are chosen by the Hollywood Foreign Press. I am Canadian and living in LA, so I am foreign. Why didn't I get to vote?

As the weather forecasts so accurately predicted, it rained on the Golden Globe red carpet parade. This was not good news for those actresses who had straightened their hair. Sandra Bullock admitted, at the televised red carpet proceedings, that she could end up looking like a Chia Pet if she got any wetter. The abundance of red and white umbrellas on the red carpet made me think of Canada. Sigh. You are so close and yet so far from me.

Well, it was the 67th annual 'We Are So Great, Rich and Famous, We Should Receive More Recognition'... er ... I mean, The Golden Globe Awards last night at the Beverly Hilton hotel in Los Angeles. The Golden Globes are chosen by the Hollywood Foreign Press. I am Canadian and living in LA, so I am foreign. Why didn't I get to vote?

As the weather forecasts so accurately predicted, it rained on the Golden Globe red carpet parade. This was not good news for those actresses who had straightened their hair. Sandra Bullock admitted, at the televised red carpet proceedings, that she could end up looking like a Chia Pet if she got any wetter. The abundance of red and white umbrellas on the red carpet made me think of Canada. Sigh. You are so close and yet so far from me.

Kate Hudson seemed surprised it was raining. According to her, an hour earlier, it was sunny on her side of town, "the West Side." Sorry, Kate. I guess the sun doesn't always shine on you wherever you go. Gerard Butler was at least honest. He was bugged about being wet and having to stand in the rain doing interviews. Sir Paul McCartney clearly did not want to get wet, judging by his gargantuan umbrella, which was the size of The Beatles' catalogue. Mickey Rourke was asked if he was engaged to his date, right in front of her. That was awkward. Never ask a man who has not committed to a woman yet if he will be seriously committing soon. Mickey gave a very AA answer, saying that he's taking it a day at a time. Good for you, Mickey. You seem like a very balanced and reasonable man.

When Mariah Carey arrived on the red carpet, all I could say was, "Wow! Cleavage!" I couldn't hear what she was saying, because she was being smothered by her own breasts.

According to the commercials which aired in LA during the show, I need to buy five new cars, I absolutely must see every Hollywood studio movie coming out and I should only eat food if it has fewer than 100 calories. The ads also suggested that I might be depressed and require anti-depressants, but that I should be warned that side effects include dizziness, depression (it's always nice when the medication which is supposed to alleviate your condition, in fact, exacerbates it) and death. Death is a side effect? I feel like that might be putting it mildly, but I am not a doctor.

The rest of the commercials showed me that I can have a new "air-brushed" look via L'Oreal's new flexible stretch formula roll-on foundation. Do I even want to look air-brushed? I feel like I don't. I can then remove the fantastic roll-on foundation, pore by pore, with L'Oreal's "scrublet". Scrublet? Is that a new word? I can also spice up my hair colour with Feria and its amazing "prismatic" effect. Just what I always wanted, a disco ball on my head. Though, L'Oreal had me confused. They ran commercials for Feria and for L'Oreal's Healthy Look Cream Gloss Colour. Which one should I use? Help me!

Fitting with these wacky times, the Golden Globes, airing on NBC, invited plenty of NBC jokes. Tina Fey, on the red carpet, joked, "It's not even rain. It's God crying for NBC." Julia Roberts, who looked dazed and confused on the red carpet, said to an NBC television host, "NBC. You guys are in the toilet now." During the ceremony, host Ricky Gervais said, "Let's get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."



Ricky Gervais was a great host, making fun of Hollywood with all its self-importance and over-the-top glamour. When he walked out on stage he said, "Looking at all the faces reminds me of the some of the great work that's been done this year... by cosmetic surgeons." He also lobbed a potshot at Kiefer Sutherland's public struggles, saying that Kiefer improvises fight scenes on '24'. When the camera focused on Kiefer, he was looking at Gervais with a tight-lipped, polite smile.

The first award of the night was handed out to Mo'Nique for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in 'Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire.' When Mo'Nique heard her name called, she was so genuinely overwhelmed that she was just trying to breathe as she walked to the stage. Her speech was so heartfelt, humble and pure that it set a beautiful tone for the night. Most speeches, after hers, seemed shallow by comparison. At least Drew Barrymore knew not to try to compete. Drew, who won for Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television, for her 'Grey Gardens' role, referred to Mo'Nique's beautiful speech and admitted that she wished she could speak as eloquently.

Sir Paul McCartney, when presenting the award for Best Animated Feature Film (scooped by 'Up') said, "Animation is not just for children. It's also for adults who take drugs." Hmmm....Yellow Submarine, anyone? Meryl Streep, doubly nominated for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical for both 'It's Complicated' and for 'Julie and Julia,' won for the latter performance. She emphasized that she has played many extraordinary women in her lifetime and that people then confuse her for an extraordinary woman, but that she is just a vessel. Um, whatever. Jeff Bridges won Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture Drama for 'Crazy Heart' and received a standing ovation. And, 'Crazy Heart' won for best song, "The Weary Kind", a beautiful country song which, to me, was the only choice for winner.

Christoph Waltz, who played the sociopathic Jew Hunter in 'Inglourious Basterds' won and gave a sweet speech, thanking Quentin Tarantino, repeatedly, for changing his life. Sandra Bullock, wearing an odd shade of purple, won for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture Drama for her 'The Blind Side' performance, a role she had originally turned down. Martin Scorsese was given the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement award, presented by Leonardo DiCaprio (did his voice ever fully change?) and Robert De Niro, who made some bizarre and tasteless joke about there being a video online of Martin Scorsese having sex with 35 mm film. Maybe De Niro should keep his fantasies to himself.

Our Canadians did well. James Cameron won twice for 'Avatar' (Best Direction and Best Motion Picture Drama). He referred to ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow (who was nominated for Best Director for 'The Hurt Locker') as someone who deserved the award and the reason he had not prepared a speech. I'm not sure what is going on with James Cameron's hair. It's pretty obvious that he can afford a haircut. He looked like a cross between Kurt Cobain and George Washington. Director/writer Jason Reitman won Best Screenplay for a Motion Picture (with Sheldon Turner) for 'Up In The Air' and he admitted that he could never write good women's parts without his wife, whom he called "the fuel to my creative fire." Aw, Canadian men are sweethearts. I miss you guys.

The most fun speech of the night was Robert Downey Jr. who won Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy for his performance in 'Sherlock Holmes'. He said that everyone was so busy thanking so many people and that really Warner Bros. should thank him for starring in the film. "If they didn't have me, they didn't have a shot..." He also said his wife Susan told him that he didn't have to prepare a speech, since she thought he'd lose out to Matt Damon.

The least boring speech of the night was Alec Baldwin's. That is because he won an award Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series Comedy or Musical for '30 Rock,' but he couldn't attend the ceremony.

One award show down. Many more to go. S.A.G. Awards. Oscars. Independent Spirit Awards. Soon, there will be a Hollywood Awards show for Best Awards Show.