Christmas Classics Reimagined as Action MoviesAs long as they've existed, Christmas movies have been instilling joy, celebrating family and generally warming moviegoers' hearts. But what if the holiday tales the world has come to know and love replaced their gooey sentimental centers with butt-kicking action and edge-of-your-seat adventure?

That's the idea behind a new version of 'The Nutcracker,' which was originally published as a story by E.T.W. Hoffman in 1816, was most famously adapted into an 1892 ballet by Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, and is now getting a modern makeover as an action-adventure movie, courtesy of New Line and scribe Darren Lemke.

Yes, you read that correctly: The magical yarn, about a girl's favorite Christmas toy that comes to life, defeats a malevolent Mouse King and whisks the girl off to a fantastical land populated by living toys, has been reimagined as a live-action 'Chronicles of Narnia'-esque epic. (We can see the tagline now: "This holiday season ... nuts will be cracked!")

Of course, we had to wonder what would happen if other Yuletide classics were given the action treatment. The resulting movies may not warm too many hearts, but they might just make you chuckle ... or give you the strange urge to crunch some bad-guy macadamias. Christmas Classics Reimagined as Action MoviesAs long as they've existed, Christmas movies have been instilling joy, celebrating family and generally warming moviegoers' hearts. But what if the holiday tales the world has come to know and love replaced their gooey sentimental centers with butt-kicking action and edge-of-your-seat adventure?

That's the idea behind a new version of 'The Nutcracker,' which was originally published as a story by E.T.W. Hoffman in 1816, was most famously adapted into an 1892 ballet by Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, and is now getting a modern makeover as an action-adventure movie, courtesy of New Line and scribe Darren Lemke.

Yes, you read that correctly: The magical yarn, about a girl's favorite Christmas toy that comes to life, defeats a malevolent Mouse King and whisks the girl off to a fantastical land populated by living toys, has been reimagined as a live-action 'Chronicles of Narnia'-esque epic. (We can see the tagline now: "This holiday season ... nuts will be cracked!")

Of course, we had to wonder what would happen if other Yuletide classics were given the action-flick treatment. The resulting movies may not warm too many hearts, but they might just make you chuckle ... or give you the strange urge to crunch some bad-guy macadamias.

(Poster illustrations by Dustin Glick -- click on the images to see larger versions.)


Sylvester Stallone stars in 'A Christmas Carol''A Christmas Carol'

Sylvester Stallone stars as jaded ex-Royal-Marine Ebenezer Scrooge in this instant holiday classic from filmmaker Quentin Tarantino. One snowy Christmas Eve, a trio of spirits -- all of whom are famous figures from previous wars throughout history -- drag Scrooge on a blood-soaked journey through his military exploits past ('First Blood'), present ('Rambo') and future ('The Expendables').

All goes well with Christmas Past (George Washington) and Christmas Present (Colin Powell). But when the evil Ghost of Christmas Future (one Adolf Hitler) decides to use his knowledge of things to come to achieve world domination, only Scrooge and his still-gargantuan, HGH-fueled, 63-year-old biceps (and the machine guns they help him hold) can bring joy to the world on Christmas Day.

Suggested Tagline: "Yo, bah humbug!"


'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer'

'Twilight' author Stephenie Meyer brings a new twist to the immortal tale of Rudolf. With his crimson beak precluding him from joining in any reindeer games, Rudolf (voiced by Taylor Lautner) lives in self-imposed exile from Christmastown, a muscle-bound loner roaming the barren tundra of the North Pole and surviving only by scavenging the remains of the Abominable Snowman's latest victims.

When Rudolf discovers His Abominableness dead and drained of all his blood one morning, he soon learns that a horde of vampires is planning a deadly assault on Santa's Village. With charismatic young adventurer Yukon Cornelius (Robert Pattinson, naturally), a female dentist (Kristen Stewart) adept at removing vamp fangs, and a bevy of wisecracking Misfit Toys at his side, Rudolf races back to Christmastown with the one weapon better than sunlight for making those bloodsucking bastards burn in Hell: his radiantly glowing nose.

Suggested Tagline: "Rudolf with your nose so bright, won't you slay some vampires tonight?"

'Frosty the Snowman'

In this 3-D performance-capture flick from director Robert Zemeckis, Jack Black is the beloved Iowa-bred snowman brought to life by a magical hat. Bent on possessing the powerful headpiece that was once his, the vile magician Sourman (Mike Myers, rocking his patented Scottish accent) amasses an army of mutant reanimated snowmen and sets out to reclaim his "Priecious," aka "the one hat to rule them all."

With the fate of all Middle America hanging in the balance, Frosty (or the 'White Wizard," as his buddies call him) forms a fellowship of sorts with a truehearted janitor nicknamed Strider; a jaded teen named Bore-omir; an alcoholic, snow-shovel-swinging dwarf named Gimlet (after his favorite drink); and three perpetually hungry schoolchildren with abnormally large and hairy feet (all played by Jim Carrey). Together they embark on a cross-country trek to Washington, where they plan to cast the accursed hat into the belly of Mount St. Helen's, ridding the world of its curse forever.

Suggested Taglines: "Happy Birthday, Precioussssss ..." OR "These eyes may be made of coal, but they sure ain't dead!"


'Twas the Night Before Christmas' (aka 'Die Hard With a Geezer')

It's Christmas Eve 2030, and all through the house of retired (again!) sexagenarian cop John McClane (Bruce Willis, in old-man makeup), not a creature is stirring ... not even McClane's son-in-law Mac Guy (Justin Long). But when up on the roof there arises a clatter, you can bet your ass something's the matter. A group of terrorists disguised as Santas and led by Hans Gruber's nephew Lance Gruber (Nicolas Cage) is breaking into McClane's Washington, D.C., abode, which -- oh holy coincidence! -- sits above an ages-old secret passage leading to the White House. Naturally, the harbingers of Yuletide terror only have two things on their Christmas wish list: a dead Prez and an even deader John McLane.

After McClane is seemingly blown away in a firefight (spoiler alert! -- he's not), the baddies take his family hostage and disappear into the labyrinthine tunnels leading to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Still badass at 71, McClane bandages his wounds with wrapping paper, swallows a Viagra, and sets off into the subterranean passageways to save his fam and democracy for the fifth time (and the third time on Christmas Eve).

Suggested Taglines: "Now I have a futuristic, laser-firing electro-machinegun ... ho, ho, ho!" OR 'How can the same sh** happen to the same guy five times?" OR, more succinctly, "Yippee-ki-yay, Father Christmas!"

Also See: The 15 Most Inappropriate Movie Posters Redone for the Holidays