"This Christmas...CRACK SOME NUTS!" Ah, I can see the poster's tagline now. Darren Lemke (upcoming Shrek Forever After) is penning a live-action action-adventure version of the classic Tchaikovsky Christmas ballet The Nutcracker for production company Temple Hill Entertainment.

The original ballet tells the story of a little girl whose nutcracker doll comes to life and fights an army of mice. "I like the classic stories, but only if you can find a way to embrace them, without betraying them, and tell the tale with a forward thrust, making them feel modern," Lemke told The Hollywood Reporter. The tone of Lemke's pitch is said to be in the vein of the live-action Narnia films.

I love the music, but I've found every version of The Nutcracker I've seen to be excruciatingly boring. Yes, I realize that makes me sound like an uncultured, knuckle-dragging caveman. I have no doubts that seeing a live performance would change my tune, but, until then, I'm interested in the idea of a dance-less, action-oriented fantasy film (just don't lose the Tchaikovsky, please). I'm also expecting plenty of product placement from Planters.