When I first began writing at Cinematical, I was certain I would remember every single news story that I had written, and would be able to call up every single project at a moment's notice. I think that ability lasted six months. So when there's news about the Short Circuit remake, I have to shake my brain a bit to remember that it's actually a real thing. If I feel that way, you probably do too, and will feel a similar jolt when you hear that Short Circuit: The Remake* has a director. Yes, it's being remade, and they consider Wall*E to be its promotional reel. Now Variety reports that it can boast Steve Carr as its director.

Carr is perhaps best known for bringing the world Paul Blart: Mall Cop, a film that shook the winter cinema for weeks and weeks on end. Now he'll be directing the "subversive" Short Circuit that was penned by Dan Milano. At last, Variety tells just what Dimension Films considers to be a radical script: "Built by the military to be a highly sophisticated weapon, Johnny 5 develops a conscience and personality after being hit by lightning. He befriends a lonely boy and his fractured family."

So, in other words, it's the plot of just about every lost puppy / cat / alien movie ever made between 1980 and today. Even worse, it sounds suspiciously like it borrowed all its shocking new element (a lonely boy) from The Iron Giant or even T2: Judgement Day. Perhaps every film that came before this remake was its promotional reel. It's all been leading up to this one, folks.

*Not its official title by any means. It's my own.