Hear me out. I know times are tough, but someone once said the greatest gift is the gift of giving, right? Well, I think what they meant to say was the greatest gift is the gift of giving me, a complete stranger, the bones of a dinosaur. So why not start lifting up those couch cushions and scrounge together enough scratch to buy me the world's 3rd most complete skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? It's only a scant $6 million, so I'll understand if it takes a few minutes to gather up the coins. Oh, and considering Samson, as he is called, is over 40 feet long and weighs roughly 7.5 tons and I don't live next door to the auction house in Vegas selling him on October 3rd., it'd be really cool of you to spot the shipping costs as well.
What am I going to do with a the world's third most complete T. Rex, you ask? Well, I've already set into motion a complex plan of turning my backyard into a real Jurassic Park. Without your generous donation of a T. Rex, kidnapping Jeff Goldblum will just seem weird.