(Welcome to a brand new feature here on Cinematical, where members of our staff will write about films that, for one reason or another, they'll never watch. Which movies do you refuse to see? Here's Jessica with her reasons why she'll never watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.)
I've got an open mind when it comes to going to the movies. If I have a hankering to watch a movie, there's very little that a critic or fan can do to dissuade me from shelling out my hard earned dollars. But every once in a while there's a film that even I can't bring myself to watch, and Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen is one of those movies. Now, usually when I avoid watching a film, it's because I'm just not that interested in the actual movie (you know, things like story, genre, stars, etc.). But my reluctance to watch Revenge of The Fallen went way beyond indifference and into a whole new realm of 'taking a stand'.
Just to be clear, I saw the first Transformers flick and it was forgettable, but it wasn't all bad. Cut to two years later, and the new trailers for Fallen had me thinking: "Well, this certainly looks better than the last time" and I had every intention of spending an afternoon with giant robots kicking the crap out of each other. But then I saw Bay's ShoWest footage, which consisted of a crying Bumblebee living in Sam's garage while Fox stripped for no reason whatsoever ... and that was only the beginning. By the time Fallen had hit theaters I knew there was no way in hell this movie was going to get my money or my time.
After the jump: the top three reasons I will never see Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen...
Charges of Racism
This topic earned lots of ink (digital and otherwise), though I always felt the first film also skirted a line when it came to racism (I mean, what the hell was with Jazz?) But, judging by what I've been told, Bay and company have really outdone themselves this time. The center of the debate was the jive-talking, gold-toothed, illiterate robots, Skids and Mudflap, and when the 'oil' hit the fan, what was Bay's response? "It's done in fun. I don't know if it's stereotypes – they are robots, by the way," Ohhh, just because they're robots it's OK to use offensive stereotypes. Well I'll keep that in mind when I make my robot masterpiece, D-bag filmmakers.
Charges of Sexism
I remember quite clearly that it was the 'pimping' of Megan Fox that was the final straw. I'll just get the obvious out of the way right from the start: I get it, the lady is hot. But hotness aside, it doesn't mean I want to spend the next two hours staring up her shorts. Sure, this movie is 'made for boys' (whatever that means), but just because your audience is predominantly male, doesn't mean you should spend the rest of the time insulting the chicks who did decide to show up. Every headline leading up to the film seemed to revel in the fact that Bay saw Fox as little more than a piece of meat to be used as set-dressing, and in the end, I couldn't decide what was more irritating: the "stand around and look hot" instructions, or the rumors about how Fox scored the part in the first place. Either way, if I want to stare at a half-naked Megan Fox, I'll just wait for Jennifer's Body.
Don't Encourage Them...
If you've ever had to deal with a little kid having a tantrum, the first piece of advice people will usually give you is this: "just ignore it and they'll stop". Well, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that the same can be said for Michael Bay. There was something truly mind-boggling about the fact that both critics and fans agreed that the movie was stupid, loud, and nonsensical, but it just didn't matter. We were supposed to "turn off our brains" but sorry, that's just not enough for me (and I wasn't alone on that one). I love a silly popcorn flick as much as the next person (The Mummy, Die Hard 4, Wolverine, to name just a few) but just because I'm willing to suspend disbelief doesn't mean that I want to be treated like a total moron -- although judging by Fallen's take at the box-office, I might be in the minority there.
Sound off in the comments below, and tell me what movies you avoid like the plague?