When guys like Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman get together to make a movie with Judd Apatow, the most successful comedic writer-director working in film today, it's kind of a no-brainer that it's going to be so funny you might actually lose control of your bodily functions.

Just for your scatological enjoyment, we've compiled our favorite one-liners, retorts and quips from one helluva group of 'Funny People,' which, coincidentally, is the title of their new flick hitting theaters today. When guys like Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman get together to make a movie with Judd Apatow, the most successful comedic writer-director working in film today, it's kind of a no-brainer that it's going to be so funny you might actually lose control of your bodily functions.

Just for your scatological enjoyment, we've compiled our favorite one-liners, retorts and quips from one helluva group of 'Funny People,' which, coincidentally, is the title of their new flick hitting theaters today. Add your favorites in the comments section -- and we know it might be hard, but please try to keep them PG-13. -- By Tom DiChiara


George Simmons (Adam Sandler): "You can cup my balls, Leo. My balls are for the world."

Ira Wright (Seth Rogen): "I'm really good at 'Guitar Hero,' and I thought maybe I should get a guitar. Then I thought, like, I'm really good at 'Grand Theft Auto.' Maybe I should start beating up hookers."

Leo Koenig (Jonah Hill): "Just saw the new 'Harry Potter.' Man, those kids grew up. He should be called Harold Potter. And that Hermione, she's got some tit-ties!"

Mark Taylor Jackson (Jason Schwartzman): "Don't do this to me. Don't you put me in this corner where I have to f*** my way out."
Leo: "He'll do it, too. I've seen him do this before."

Dr. Lars (Torsten Voges): [in a thick European accent] "You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies."
George: "And I enjoy all of your movies."
Dr. Lars: Which movies?
George: "The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis."

George [to Dr. Lars]: "Are you mad that you died at the end of 'Die Hard'?"

George: "So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism."
Ira: "I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised."


'Funny People' showtimes & tickets | Famous roommates
Sandler, Rogen and Mann Unscripted Q&A


Mark: "When my grandfather died, there was this one candle next to his bed and the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to heaven, you know?"
Leo: "You don't pass through fire to get to heaven. I think he went to hell."

Clarke (Eric Bana): "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Mable and Ingrid (Maude Apatow and Iris Apatow): "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Clarke: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Mable and Iris: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Clarke: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Mable and Iris: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Ira: "Wow, that was like a scene from 'Deer Hunter.'"

Leo: [about Daisy] "She's mousy. She's like a mouse I want to stick my di** in."

George: "I've got some advice for the ladies. Don't ever say, 'You're the first guy I ever got the whole thing in my mouth. Normally, I only get half way down, but with you I've got a ball in my mouth and I'm speaking perfectly clear.'"

George: [to Ira about Leo] "Where's the other guy? You know, the fat version of you."

Chuck (RZA): Michael Richards gets a pass from me because Kramer's my ni****."

Ira: "Wilgo to Wilco."
Daisy (Aubrey Plaza): "Now we won't."
Ira: "Really?"
Daisy: "No, I'll go with you. Just don't ever say that again."

Laura (Leslie Mann): [to George] "Why did you cheat on me? I was so hot."

Chuck: [to Ira] "You're not funny. You're funny looking. But you're not funny."

George: "I thought Jews didn't like being on lists."

Ira: "I think in China you're not allowed to have two daughters."

Ira: [to Ray Romano, after Eminem yells at him] "I thought everybody loved you."

Ira: "Do you ever get sick of singing the same songs over and over?"
James Taylor: "Do you ever get tired of talking about your di**?"

James Taylor: "F*** Facebook!"

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'Funny People' Premiere Pics
See pics of Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann and friends at the 'Funny People' premiere.
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