There are a million reasons not to have a sequel to Heathers, but maybe if they made the whole production a little closer to real life, it'd have some possibilities -- because Veronica Sawyer has gone batsh*t insane! Remember how Winona Ryder was, once again, talking about a Heathers sequel last month? And how she swore up and down that it was in the works this time? And that Christian Slater would be back in an Obi-Wan-type role?

Well, it's ALL in her head. Movieline talked with director Michael Lehmann, and he said: "Winona's been talking about this for years -- she brings it up every once in a while and Dan Waters and I will joke about it, but as far as I know there's no script and no plans to do the sequel. A couple weeks ago everyone started talking about it and I guess Winona said the movie was gonna get made, and I thought, 'I don't know, maybe they did this without me?' But I got in touch with Dan Waters and he said he didn't know anything about it. So I don't think there's any truth to it."

Winona, let it die already. I find it kinda creepy that you keep sparking this rumor mill with the same stories -- all of which have had no basis in truth, if Lehmann is to be believed. I've been reading these rumors for over a frakking decade. I adore the film as much as you do. I've seen it more times than I can count, and I can recite it from beginning to end, but sometimes things come to an end. But ... Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table. Now it's someone else's turn to take the helm of teenage dysfunction.