Poor Antonio Banderas. Once upon a time he was a hot and intriguing newcomer, God's gift to a rebooted Zorro franchise, poised to have his pick of of juicy Hollywood roles ... and now he's Puss n'Boots and the Nasonex Bee. So far has he fallen that the words "neo-noir" and "Banderas" together in Variety leave me unsettled.

Banderas has signed on to star in The Big Bang, a "neo-noir detective story," the feature directing debut of director Tony Krantz, and featuring a script penned by Erik Jendresen. Banderas will play an L.A. private eye who is hired to find a missing stripper. He follows her trail of pasties to the desert of New Mexico, where he finds dead bodies, a brutal Russian boxer, three LAPD detectives, and an aging billionaire who is trying to create a nuclear equivalent of the Big Bang. I assume nothing good can come of that. Darn those aging billionaires! Always getting into Bond levels of mischief.

The story is pulpy enough to be really intriguing, and Jendresen did some fine work on Band of Brothers. If it was any other leading man, I'd be really into it because of how over the top it sounds -- what do nuclear weapons have to do with missing strippers? I don't know, but I'd like to find out ... so Banderas, can you please make this fun? If you can, I won't ever refer to the Nasonex bee again.