If you've been waiting anxiously to see what would come of the Pretty in Pink, Clueless, and Mean Girls, games that William Goss mentioned last year, the wait is over! Unfortunately, it doesn't look like they're offering a lot. (Not that I'm surprised.) Variety got a chance to look at the three games, and they say the result "is derivative and pandering, but with just enough surprises to satisfy a target audience with low expectations."

The '80s installment, Pretty in Pink is said to be the strongest of the three, playing like a puzzle workbook with item-hunting -- like those touch screens you can play at a bar. The big highlights: you can choose the prom dress Andie wears to the prom, and even whether she ends up with Blaine or Duckie. The '90s installment, Clueless, has been called out as the weakest -- a drag and drop against the clock dressing game. The best, and oh-so-charming part: You get extra points if the outfit you created pleases the character's boyfriend. The only guy that's kosher for is Christian, and he's gay, so Paramount, that's ridiculous, insulting, and tacky. Finally, the '00 comes in with Mean Girls, which actually plays out like a mean teen version of Puzzle Quest. Well, a way-too-easy version of the game.

They'll definitely sell a few games, but what's the point? Girls are too dumb to play something slightly more in-depth? Hell, you can play simple games online that are more intriguing. If Paramount, or any other studio wants to make girls' games, which we so desperately need, how about sparking it up a little? If it's a movie, and a computer game, go the Monty Python and the Holy Grail route -- a long journey of a game with a slew of different mini-games (like the insanely great wiggling man in "I'm Not Dead Yet" Tetris). And while they're at it, I'd like a Heathers game done that way, please.