Did you like Quantum of Solace? Neither did I. Despite all the bombast and the film being billed as "The first direct James Bond sequel EVAR!" I just found myself bored throughout it, except maybe during that opening car chase. Otherwise, it was snoozeville. I lay part of that blame on the fact that we didn't get a decent Bond girl to go with it. Olga Kurylenko bored me to tears with her monotonal portrayal of a daughter seeking revenge, and I would have much rather seen more of the redhead who is all-too-briefly seen as another MI6 agent sent to guard Bond. So, with that in mind, here are seven women who I'd like to see fill the Bond cups, er... shoes.
Alright, this list is partly SXSW-influenced, and that's because of the sheer amount of hotties shown onscreen in Sebastian Gutierrez's Women In Trouble. Carla Gugino spends a good amount of time in nothing more than a bra and panty set, and you could practically see the humidity steaming off the screen because of it. Yes, she's seriously that hot, don't let her middle-aged turn in the recent Watchmen fool you. But lined up right behind her is even more hotness from the film, and you'll have to read on to see how it plays out.
I'll be honest here, and Ms. Gugino I sure hope you aren't reading this. But ... I just didn't think you had the chops. However, I loved your powerful (and all-too-brief) turn in Sin City, and enjoyed your portrayal of Vincent Chase's agent Amanda in Entourage, and now I realized that you have the curves a Bond girl needs, but you really deliver on the icy cold ball-busting looks that a Bond villain thrives on. Let's give Bond a good villainess to do battle with, and one that stands on equal footing with him in the smouldering looks department. When you appear as aging boozehound Sally Jupiter and pornstar extraordinaire Elektra Luxx a few weeks apart, it's bound to pop a few eyes out. Thanks for proving to us that you've got both the acting ability and the jigglewatts to pull this off.
Besides having an overabundance of vowels and consonants in her name, Emmanuelle has also popped up in a lot of movies since appearing on the scene in 1998, but most of them have been forgettable. Remember National Lampoon's Adam & Eve from 2005? Neither do we. But she managed to spark things up considerably when she played Eric's girlfriend Sloane in Entourage, which has already proved itself to us previous with the Gugino pedigree, and she also appears with Gugino in Women in Trouble. She's calm under fire, moves like oil on water, and has devastating eyes. If that's not enough, you can toss in her olive-colored skin which already makes her look like she stepped out of a Bond movie. Make her a love interest with a dark and mysterious past, and you've got yourself another Bond girl. She wouldn't even need to change her name.
When you need a long, leggy Bond girl, you're narrowing the field considerably. But if you want one who manages to be absolutely gorgeous while also appearing saccharin sweet with a pixie haircut, you'd do yourself a favor to look no further than Cameron Richardson. I first saw her in Open Water 2 (yes, it's a guilty pleasure, sue me) a few years ago, but it was her goofy and earnest "girl next door" role in Alvin and the Chipmunks (what?! yes, sometimes I watch lame movies) that caught my attention and made me wish she'd been in more scenes. She's another Women in Trouble vet as well, and even though she's only in it briefly, she's one of the hottest masseuses you've ever seen provide a reverse happy ending in a movie.
Some actresses get pigeonholed as button-cute and never escape, but Shelton has escaped this dire fate by wise movie choices. She played a tough-as-nails doctor in Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror, which really widened the gap between her and the cutesy-girl roles she'd had in movies like Pleasantville and The Sandlot. If you need a double-agent Bond girl who can charm Bond one minute and turn on him in a split second, Shelton is your woman. She's also another Women in Trouble alum, and she actually gets paired again with her murderous Planet Terror hubby Josh Brolin. And yes, she looks sexy. Between her butt-kicking in Sin City and her flight attendant curves in Women in Terror, she's a force to be reckoned with.
Relatively unknown to the big screen, Palicki is best known as Tyra on NBC's Friday Night Lights. However, she manages to walk away with every single scene she appears in during Women in Trouble, and that includes sexily upstaging Carla Gugino. How many people can claim they've done that? Her blonde ditzy character is both hilarious and sympathetic, and she pulls the whole thing off while barely wearing any clothes through most of the film. Her monologue about why she vomits while performing oral sex on a woman is straight out of Clerks, and will make you cry from laughing. When you need a platinum blonde with a button-straining bosom to distract Bond from the diabolical plan at hand, you need to call in Palicki.
I hated Transformers. Loathed it. The scene with the Autobots attempting to try and hide at Sam's house? Idiocy. However, whoever cast Megan Fox in this movie was a complete genius. She's supposed to be portraying a high school girl, but she sexily vamps herself well past Shia Labeouf in this movie. The woman just exudes sex from every pore, and it's no wonder the only thing Sam's mom can splutter out when she sees her is, "You are gorgeous!" And she is. She could definitely hold her own against any Bond, and her squinty-eyed stare is both enigmatic and sexy at the same time. She's hard as steel on the outside, which is exactly what Bond needs these days.
Frank Micelotta, Getty Images
Yes, this is the same gorgeous redhead Strawberry Fields that we don't get to see onscreen for long in Quantum of Solace. But can't the writers stick in a twin sister named Raspberry or something? Ooh! What about Clover Fields, and she carries around a lucky four-leaf clover she found there. Okay, I digress. Stranger things have happened. We haven't had a redhead as sexy as this in a Bond movie since Tiffany Case in Diamonds Are Forever, and it's high time we brought one back and let her live on screen for more than a few fleeting moments. She'll be playing Princess Tamina in the fantasy game adaptation Prince of Persia, but here's hoping she'll return to the land of cold steel and gadgets sometime soon after.