We say it all the time -- "That's a film that should never be remade!" 95% of the time, its true. The latest to go through the remake treatment is the hockey classic Slap Shot -- and it's apparently been buzzed and bitched about since last summer, when Peter Steinfeld took the writing job. But now Variety announces that Dean Parisot will be directing, which means that it will take an act of God or Gordie Howe to stop this atrocity from happening.

First, it ought to be illegal to remake anything that starred Paul Newman. It's as simple as that. He's off limits from Fort Apache the Bronx to The Sting, and everything in between. Secondly, Slap Shot is just one of those perfect pieces of Americana -- one of those grungy comedies that could only be made in the 1970s. It's old time hockey as it doesn't exist anymore -- the days when helmets were "optional" and considered to be for wimps, and when the blood flowed freely, and guys really did wrap their knuckles in foil. You can't go into a hockey locker room to this day without hearing someone quote this film. Not an amateur practice goes by without at least one person sporting a Chiefs jersey. Everyone in and outside of the hockey world can quote it, everyone's got a favorite scene ... or two ... or three. It's a classic.



There's no good reason to remake it -- I don't give a crap about "introducing" it to younger generations. There is this thing called "cable," and those young, lost souls can see it there. There's nudity. They'll watch it. Instead, do the unthinkable and give us a new hockey comedy. The sport is rife with hilarity (Psycho goalies! Goons! Spitting chiclets! Weird accents!) and I see no reason it can't be mined. They did it in 1977 -- surely you can do it now?