When is a Terror Train remake NOT a Terror Train remake? When it's a movie called Train, which kinda began as a Terror Train remake, but definitely isn't anymore. And we know this for sure because someone out there is very interested in making an actual Terror Train remake.

Will all this going on, you might actually be duped into believing that Roger Spottiswoode's Terror Train somehow demands a remake -- when in fact it's just another slasher flick that Jamie Lee Curtis did right after Halloween because that's all she was being offered at the time. Aside from the fact that the flick features unlikely co-stars like Hart Bochner, Ben Johnson and David Copperfield (as "Ken the Magician"), there's not much to distinguish Terror Train from, say, Killer Car, Eerie Elevator, or Satanic Scooter. OK, so I just made those up.

Here's how the two new trains break down, as Shock sees it: Turns out that Train (which stars Thora Birch and still yearns for an American distributor) is more like "Hostel on rails," whereas a totally new project (being spearheaded by producer Phil Goldfine) aims to be a "true" remake of Terror Train. As if that actually matters because nobody except the hardcore horror fans even REMEMBER Terror Train and I certainly didn't hear any of them clamoring for a remake. But Mr. Goldfine's previous credits include sequels like The Art of War 2, The Lost Boys 2, and The Dukes of Hazzard 2 -- so switching over to those types of remakes shouldn't be all that difficult.